Ain't Happening

SPOILER ALERT. If you intend to see "The Happening" by M. Night Shymalan and do not want any spoilers...LEAVE NOW. You have been warned.

This is the single-worst movie I've ever seen. Any movie that makes you laugh at people committing suicide in mass should earn that title. We did, however, come up with some theories as to why it is soooooo bad:
1. It's all a joke. Spoof for Friday the 13th. M. Night having some fun at our expense and the expense of the production company, because this one will TANK in ticket sales.
2. M Night is Al Gore's lover. The alternate title for this movie is "An Inconvenient Truth: Revenge of the Fig Leaves"
3. M Night made a comedy without a laugh track just to see what it would do to people.
4. He realized during the filming that he had no actual story, so he added in as many creative suicide scenes as he could fit into the film, just for kicks and good times.
5. M Night just wanted to make a rated R film, so he and his drinking buddies played a game one night..."1000 ways to Snuff out your Life"
6. This movie is M Night's cry for help. Friends are planning an intervention over the weekend.
7. M Night is tired of the pressure to be the next Spielberg, and this film is an homage to his own career suicide. He just wants to be left in peace, people!
8. The crucial scene was cut from our copy of the movie. Don't go to the Pineville theatre. They have the wrong copy!
9. We should have been given a secret serum to drink that would have made this movie make some sense. We declined to drink the thick flourescent drink they were handing out at the door. Our bad.
10. M Night's houseplants have been ganging up on him in the middle of the night...and by houseplants, I mean WEED. The weed is talking to the M Night, y'all.

Worst. Movie. Ever.
The lines were delivered with all the panache of a beige throw pillow. None of the dialogue was believeable...I mean, not even REMOTELY. Most of our packed theatre was just laughing by the end. The only scary part was at the home of Mrs. Jones (dang, another bad "Jones" movie this month...what up Joneses?). The doll and the woman were far scarier than the is-it-the-plants? story line and the not-at-all-scary breezes. And, did anyone notice the row of houseplants in the window at the end? I would not be harboring anything with chlorophyll in my home...I am sorely disappointed in this once-Genius who seems to be walking a fine line between amazing and skydiving with no parachute. Splat.