Hello, Blog. How are you? My name is Shelley. We used to be good friends. Then I neglected you for a needier being. I have missed you, but really with the lack of sleep and all, haven't had much to say or time to say it.
It's amazing how quickly the world shifts when you are faced with a set of tiny blue eyes and a hungry mouth. I used to think I was busy, and I was...but this is a whole new level. I couldn't imagine what folks meant when they said "things will never be the same." I knew things would change, but it's kind of like the mystery of marriage...you can't know or begin to know until you're on the other side of it.
Things I now know:
1. God is good. I have always known this, but He showed up for me in a mighty way in those last few days of pregnancy and in the delivery room. Delivering a baby was by far my biggest fear on this earth. And even after hours and hours of lying there waiting for the big moment and enduring some pain, I had such a peace when Nurse Jessica said it was push-time. I felt like I had a job to do, and the easiest thing would be to just do it. I was also intensely curious to SEE my little guy, so the particulars were secondary. And, frankly, I shielded myself from much of the gory parts by keeping my eyes closed. I highly recommend that. My sweet Jerod was so great to cheer me on and read the nurse's face for me verbally so I could just push and do my job. I would also like to thank my Mom who was a champ, praying for me, keeping me together and even cutting the cord!
2. Lack of sleep should be classified as a mental disorder. The simplest decisions became monumental..."should I let the dog out now or warm a bottle first?" This question might take me three full minutes to resolve, at which point I could have gotten both things accomplished and moved on to sorting the pile of tiny socks. I will break down at the least thing because I just feel paralyzed by indecision...not out of insecurity but just out of sheer inability to make all of my thoughts connect and get to an outcome. I'm still working through this. I'm pretty sure Jerod thinks I have lost my mind. I surely hope I find it again!
3. I don't hate mornings. This statement should go down as a real, live, certifiable miracle in the Book of Miracles. I have always hated mornings. Alarm clocks are harbingers of evil. I have always moved slowly and talked little. I'm not angry in the mornings, but I just have no need to interact with humankind for at least two hours after I awaken. Now, I half-enjoy waking up and cuddling with Shepard, changing his diaper, feeding him...and especially now...making him smile and coo. If the Lord had seen fit to have a cute little baby rise over the horizon instead of the bright, hot sun, more people would like mornings. (how's that for a fun mental picture?) I'm getting up an hour or more earlier every day now, and don't really mind it. Today I even had time to unload the dishwasher, clean off the kitchen table, and set out my cute new fall leaf placemats. People DO things in the morning besides run around getting ready? Apparently so. I'm now among them. The aforementioned statements do not disallow me from an occasional sleep-in should I be afforded the opportunity. And I'm still not a chatty Kathy...but I don't have to quell the feeling of meanness I once did. :)
4. It's ok that babies are a big mystery. I was so concerned about not knowing anything about babies while I was pregnant. I read and read and was armed with lots of ideas about what to do. The reading was good, because there are things that are "knowable." I mean, you need to know how to feed him and when to be concerned about a fever, etc. But really, it's all a big mystery that needs to be solved...sometimes from minute-to-minute. There are clues and hints and witnesses to help you, and passages in books that jump off the page now that you're in the big middle of the mystery; but it's really all just some prayer and hope and trial-and-error to figure out what works for your baby at the moment. It takes time to build a rhythm and some confidence...or it did for me. There have certainly been moments when I've been completely at a loss, but that's when an awesome husband, friend, mom or somebody steps up and nudges you in just the right direction or at least gives you a license to make a good guess. Mysteries keep things exciting. Having a robot with a manual would be a lot less fun.
5. The plan is the friend. Planning ahead is the only way. I am kind of a planner, but I have taken it to a whole new level. There is a lot to consider with the simplest trip...diapers, wipes, extra outfit, bottle, pacifier...and that's just to get out the door! Going back to work has added a new layer, as many things I have to do at night. I'm not sure if we'll ever get to the new fall season on TV {not really a bad thing}. Just having everything in place and at hand when you need it reduces a ton of stress...and crying.
6. I am seeing all activities through a new lens of priority. Certainly for the time being, I am trying to funnel every decision about how I spend my time through these two questions..."is it good for my boys?" and "will it advance the Kingdom of God?" If the request fits into the yes for one of those questions, I will maybe consider it. Much, much further down the list now are questions like, "is it fun?" Fun will still happen, but I'm just not jumping at every chance to have it.
That's all for now. I'm proud that I strung so many sentences together, and I think they make sense.
