I just realized that I have been so busy keeping up with baby jones over on http://www.shepardjones.com/, that I haven't posted a more recent picture of him on here. I mean, I know my legion of followers probably keep up with both blogs...BUT! For shame! I spent so many posts thinking and dreaming of the little guy that I would feel like I'm betraying this blog who's been with me for MORE THAN FIVE YEARS if I didn't do a proper baby post.
They're letting us take you home!? Don't they know we have no idea what we're doing!?
Those first few days were rough, but every moment we've all grown more confident and relaxed and realize that we have a great support network for advice and help. Shepard is a joyful baby. He is always smiley and happy to see you. He is so alert and attentive to all that is happening around him, soaking up what seems every ounce of information from every minute he's awake. He is starting solids and has found his feet. I marvel at everything he's learned since he was so tiny in my arms. I marvel at everything we still have to teach him, but look forward to it all. As we embark on our first few holidays with him all together, I am astonished at how much things have changed since this time last year. Two days before Thanksgiving in 2009 I saw him for the first time on the ultrasound. He was just a little blob--I think the size of a peanut or something--and we didn't yet know he was a he. We spent the better part of our drive to Tennessee last year kicking around names. We were SURE baby was going to be a girl since we had no guys names that were agreeable.
Our little "Pumpkin"
Some people say that they didn't know what love was until they had a child. I think that's an odd thing to say, as my life has thankfully been filled with love. But there is a special kind of love mixed with a sense of protection and care that sort of floods you. He is God's gift to our family, and I'm so thankful on this Thanksgiving for my squirmy long-legged blue-eyed giggle machine. Welcome to the holidays, sweet boy.
Rather, I have so many it feels overwhelming. But I think for my own sanity, I need to let some of them out. In writing. Here. I just do better when I am writing through my thoughts rather than letting them roll around in my mind and bump into one another. If motherhood has been anything, it has been an exposure of all in my heart and life that are still under construction--my impatience and need to perform and clutter problem. And my curious confusion about working. I want to have work to do, but I don't seem to want to have to go into an office every day for 8 hours to do it. I want the satisfaction of having done something concrete and adult interaction, but the cost of time away seems too high for me to bear. So, I've been wiggling between the rock and the hard place. And still feel at an impasse. I'm trying to make it cozy here at the impasse and make it work, but I can't get past the fact that something is still not in place as it should or could be. And for that, I will just have to trust the Lord. Which may be the purpose of the rock/hard place.
That's where I am today. Looking for a pillow or something soft. 'Cause this place is not. It's just all hard. I'm just trying to make it to Christmas. It seems like Christmas might be a nice stopping off point for my head and heart. A chance to breathe a little. And the promise of a new year with new hope.