...Barely gettin' by. It's all takin' and no givin'...
I learned this Dolly Parton classic for a 2nd grade talent show. I could sing the heck out of it for an 8-year-old. And I chickened out before I could take it to the stage. I think they were calling my name, and I was NOT going UP THERE! Boy, how things have changed. These days I find myself fairly comfortable on a stage.
But the song...
I enjoy being a productive member of society. I quite thrive on having a schedule, deadlines, expectations. I'm not sure I know how to live in a world where those three things don't exist. And here I am...facing it. I'm really trying to get a handle on the abrupt changes that are about to come my way. After I get the little guy here, I won't have time to even recover before he starts making inarticulate demands that I probably won't know how to respond to at first. It will be a great adventure...and I will have help...and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm so thankful for the timing, that my sweet tall dude will be around all summer to help! He's such a help all the time. Part of me is a little excited about having a free-flowing schedule with my only attentions being on the little guy and getting to know this whole new human, welcoming him into the world, taking walks, watching fireflies, eating and feeding and changing diapers, and trying to catch a zzz here and there.
And just as quickly as he comes and I get used to that rhythm, I will return to the 9 to 5 (or 8:30 to 5) and join the ranks of working moms. We visited our intended childcare situation this week, so I could see where little guy was going to be rocked and fed while I'm at work. The room was sweet and music played softly. One of the little ones in a bumbo seat practiced her wave on us while two others broke out into tears at the STRANGERS who dared enter their sanctum. I feel as good as I can about sending him there . This decision hasn't been easy; but in the long run, we feel it's best for our family right now. That has been the liberating factor. It's for right now. Not forever. At any point, I can reevaluate, situations can change. We'll see how it goes through Christmas and monitor and adjust accordingly.
I'm giving myself a lot of leeway to learn as I go and to ease into this vast unknown. I won't have annual evaluations or incident reports for parenting. I will have lots of love to give, a great partner to help me, and a "village" of folks surrounding me...as well as a super-supportive workplace just four miles away from childcare. This can be done. As many folks who have encouraged me to be a stay-at-home mom...just as many have encouraged me that working and parenting can be fulfilling in its own way too.
1 comment:
I think most mamas out there..stay at home and working moms are just doing the best they can. My mom worked, and I learned a lot from watching her. Also, I learned to be responsible about getting my work done and keeping up with my stuff because she didn't have the time to follow me to school and bring items I left at home...this is something I see a lot of as a teacher. On the other hand, there were times when I wished I could just stay home with her, and that was not an option. It won't be easy leaving Shepard to go back to work, but there are definitely pros to having him interact with other adults other than mom and dad too. At church I have to handle a lot of behavior probles with kids who have never had to listen to anyone but mom or dad give them instructions. So, just soak up every second while you are home, and pack a lot of kleenex on your first day back. He will be fine, and you will too. :)
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