Keep waiting on a change of pace, a change of scenery, a change...of something. I can just about smell it it seems so close.
For some reason, I have been focusing lately on what I'm not. This is dangerous ground. I tend to believe that comparisons are from the devil. Really. From the devil. We are to be imitators of Christ and also have earthly mentors in the faith. I have found myself looking around and wondering how I'm not farther along in many areas.
Just to get it off my chest, I'm going to just get some things out there.
I don't make homemade baby food. I'd like to. "Oh, it's so easy, you just go buy some avocado and butternut squash and cook it all up and keep it in the fridge..." And you forgot the part where I have to remember to go to the store and buy butternut squash then figure out how to get it cooked. Those things are not self-explanatory like some other vegetables I know.
I don't make crafty projects. Crafty projects would be awesome if someone else would gather the materials and give me some inspiration. But what do I do with crafts? We don't need more stuff around the house. And there really just isn't a lot of stuff we need at all. I'm all about trying to find interesting uses for things or repurposing, but crafting just for the sake of crafting is overwhelming. Too many options and too much time. I want to be a mom who makes baby food and crafts, but I'm not. It's all I can do to make sure we have clean clothes, food that doesn't need a decoder ring in the house, make bottles, stock toiletry items, pack a lunch, manage the budget, find clothes that fit my ever-changing body, work all day, and stay up half the night, and fit in the teensiest bits of leisure or anything that might qualify as fun. And I do all of this while praying without ceasing and keeping a song of praise in my heart. I say that last sentence as a true hope and only a tiny grain of sarcasm. When I don't have those items on my to-do list, I usually just end up in a puddle of tears.
I'm hoping one day Shepard will understand that I did not make one-of-a-kind onesies for him and puree organic broccoli with goat cheese. I use Pampers instead of cloth (cringe!). I buy Earth's Best and Gerber ready-made foods. I'm still working out how to do more with less time, but most of all I want to be found faithful and loving and full of grace. My craft paper and sewing machine might have to wait until retirement. And I will always and continually hope for a chef to live with me full-time.