Lizard Adventures

Sometimes oh so serious, the blog. It's my stopping off place to slow down and gather my thoughts about this life. But today, just a snippet of funny, as my life is so often hilarious...those little moments where you wish someone had captured you on video just so you could re-watch it and laugh again.
My morning routine includes coffee on the sofa, Good Morning America, and putting on make-up while I warm up to the idea of wakefulness. Tink, the Boston Terrier, is usually curled up beside me taking her first nap of the day. Last Friday, however, I was startled to see my green blanket sprout legs and start walking. There was wee little lizard keeping company with me on the sofa. Being the same color as my green throw, I had not seen him.
"Oh crap! Jerod is not here! What am I going to do with this lizard?"
First thoughts run toward just pretending I don't see him at all. Then I imagine him crawling into my sheets and greeting me in the night. That won't work.
Jerod can just pick up a lizard with his bare hands. I cannot do this. I coached myself into believing I could, but when the lizard ran over my fingertips I came as close as I ever have to fainting. I know. It's silly. I know.
I thought to perhaps trap him in a can with a lid previously used for hot chocolate and release him outside. He was having no part of that scheme.
I dried my hair.
Lizard's still in the den.
Ironed my pants.
Lizard is now on my shoe. SHOE! I will carry him outside on my shoe.
Nope. No go.
Tink has yet to bat an eye at me, and is snoozing soundly. Too bad she didn't have it in her to chase him for me! She should be good for something besides napping.
It's now or never. The lizard must go. I need to get to work.
I chased him to the kitchen door! He went behind. Lizard is visibly panting with fear. I feel badly. He does not know that I mean him no harm. I just do not cohabitate with reptiles. He runs up the side, and around to the inside. "RUN OUTSIDE, STUPID LIZARD! YOU ARE SECONDS AWAY FROM FREEDOM!" I was actually talking to him by this point. Telling him it was ok, soothing him, and coaxing him like a puppy. "Come on. You can do it. The outside is nice. You will like it here."
He flew to Jerod's giant black flip-flop. BINGO! Just a foot away from the outside now. And score! Wee lizard is on his merry way with a colossal story to tell his own lizard friends about the crazy lady who chased him tried to trap him in a cocoa can.

1 comment:

Sheila said...

How funny-- I had a lizard encounter the other day. He was bright blue and blended in well in our "junk drawer". I almost touched him. Ewwww. I closed said junk drawer and called hubby. Andrew "rescued" me when he came home by sweetly escorting the lizard outside. Whew!