I realized late last night that I will never be on the Oprah show. It was a sad realization. Mind you, not that I've done anything great or had any bizarre or horrible tragedy befall me. I haven't worked really, really hard to achieve something in particular. Without any pretension whatsoever (I hope), I just kind of always assumed I would be on the show someday. I know. Crazy talk. Kind of like when I was a kid, I thought that there were filmmakers outside my bedroom window capturing footage of me as a child that they could use to make a documentary about me when I got older. Yeah. I would perform plays and songs for them so they'd have good stuff to use. Yeah. Really.
Confession is good for the soul.
Again, I don't think I have these amazing talents or have anything special going on...I always kind of assumed I'd be in the Olympics too! For some reason, as a kid, when I watched the Olympics I imagined myself there. Now, I never took up a sport seriously or trained...but I was still a little disheartened at the age of 25 when I realized during the Sydney games that that ship had probably sailed for me. I think I went to the Y a few times more than normal in those next few weeks, but to no avail. I was too old for gymnastics and swimming, and had no interest in taking up archery or professional weightlifting.
Destiny is such a silly word in a lot of ways. I think we build it up to be something bigger than it is. I don't think anyone ever TOLD me that I would do grand and fabulous things, but I was certainly encouraged to do the best I could do at whatever I did. As silly as it looks when I write it out, it was always a given that I would be or do something noteworthy. Not necessarily to be famous, but to be...at least something to report about in my hometown newspaper...and be on Oprah.
So, here at my new age of 36 (ugh), I wonder about all those dreams and visions of grandeur. Did I miss something along the way? Is this it? Is it ok if it is? I mean, I am crazy blessed. I know Jesus and was able to get married and have a healthy sweet baby boy. I love my church. I'm trying to live out Kingdom of God principles.
I wonder if I will stumble into something larger one day, or if I could already be in the big middle of it and not see it now. There is only one way to proceed, of course. Love God and serve others. If something "bigger" comes along, I'll be ready. If it doesn't, I'm doing what I ought to be doing. This is actually a pep talk to myself. Thanks for listening in. And if you know Oprah, and want to see about getting me on the line-up for the final season for doing...nothing of remarkability (except making up the word remarkability) lemme know. Today I told God that he could really truly have every part of me (again. I have to do this often) and turned over whatever dreams and desires I have. His dreams will be so much greater than anything I can concoct. No matter what His plans involve, whether I ever get another mention in the venerable Newnan Times-Herald (GA), and whether anyone else perceives me as successful...I must daily give over my little plans and walk in His ways.