Lonesome Lion

A while back, lots of us at church were taking a particular personality test that categorizes folks into four basic animal groups. Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever and Beaver.

I am a Lion with a nearly equal dose of Otter. Click here to see general characteristics of each if you want. Or take the test!
Basically, lions are task-oriented. There are jobs to be done, done now, and done well! Otters are more the party animal, hoping for everything to be fun and highly social. Over the years, I've hopefully learned and gleaned traits from others to iron out the rough spots (read: weakenesses), but when it comes to friendships, I'm hopelessly LION.

This personality likes to lead. The lion is good at making decisions and is very goal-oriented. They enjoy challenges, difficult assignments, and opportunity for advancement. Because lions are thinking of the goal, they can step on people to reach it. Lions can be very aggressive and competitive. Lions must learn not to be too bossy or to take charge in others' affairs.

I tend to live my life in my to-do-list bubble. If getting together with people is scheduled, it will happen and my otter-half is happy. However, if life takes over and I fail to make appointments for fun and fellowship, I find myself going for weeks with meager outreach on facebook or email and no real interaction. This leaves my friendship tanks running on empty...and ultimately leaves me without a lot of good healthy friendships. It's not that I don't DESIRE good friendships. I'm just not good at them. It's not a cop-out. I want to be good at them. My natural tendencies are to be self-sufficient, independent to a fault and more concerned with plans and tasks than people. I'm a lion saved by grace.

It's not easy being a lion.

Whoa there, tiger.
God pretty much REQUIRES us to live in Christian community. He mandates that we are to be HIS hands and feet and to show his heart to those around us. "They will know we are Christians by our LOVE." Not by how many items on the to-do list were done. He makes a big to-do over how we treat our brothers and sisters and our community. In short:

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:11-12

It is so important for us to be a visible representation of God's love. I just have a really hard time in my day to day life making PEOPLE a priority. I do make Jerod and Shepard priorities, but their needs are pretty much in front of me all the time. If your need collides with my day, I will drop everything. But what if it doesn't? I'm working on this. I'm working this out. I actually write myself notes to call so and so, pray for so and so, etc. Because I have to have a visual reminder to connect. So, if we are at all friends, I would like to say thank you for BEARing with this LION (ha). I am often lonesome; not because I don't want your company or advice, but because I simply filled every waking moment with some THING right up until the moment of free time then realized that I could have spent said free time with SOMEONE or even calling someone. You know, like waiting until Friday afternoon to ask someone on a date.

My otter-half doesn't come out until I get to let my hair down. I really like my otter half.

Jerod and I need friends. I won't lie. Between his working in a foreign land Davidson and having the added joy of a toddler, we aren't just bumping into fellowship opportunities. He's a great friend. But many of his friends have moved or are out of our sphere for some other reason. But he's the best kind of friend there is...he's a golden retriever.  :)  He's a ready-made friend for this lion, but sometimes we just need to cavort with some other members of the zoo.

My sweet hubby. Easy to please. Loyal. Helpful.

If there's ever an answer...it's more love

Leave it to my wonderful Dixie Chicks to provide the title to this one.
The older I get and the more I learn, the more I'm convinced that the answer to ALL of the world's problems is love. Biblical, non-condemning, non-judgmental love. Somebody wise once said, "Love covers a multitude of sins." Another wise person said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Seriously, if we could grasp that concept, even a little, and release our self-serving and selfish defenses, I think the world would be rocked.
It's a day-by-day thing to practice and learn. It doesn't come naturally to us at all. But it does work. Rewind to my eighth grade year....my first introduction to love against the circumstances.
I played the flute in middle school band. Being a fiercely competitive person, I was always practicing and vying for "first chair." I often got to sit in that seat. The three years of middle school, I attended three different schools. Our district was working some things out, and we moved a few miles closer to town. So in eighth grade, I found myself at a completely new school, though a lot of the faces there were kids I knew from elementary school.
We had band auditions for chair placement...I made first chair! I was so excited!! Until I hit the band room. The flute who had been first chair the year before was suddenly second, and was NOT excited to see me. I'll call her Jennifer. Jennifer and I had been friends in elementary school. But clearly, I had inadvertently stepped on some toes. Jennifer and all her friends from seventh grade were glaring at me, like I had stolen a boyfriend. It's not as if I planned it. You just audition, and the band director places you. About half the flutes were on Jennifer's "side." They would literally just GLARE at me, in the cafeteria, in the halls, in PE. I felt kind of ganged up on. They didn't really even KNOW me. Just decided I was the enemy. As was the case, I went to my mom for some whining. My mom wasn't a fan of whining. She wisely told me that Jesus commanded us to love our enemies. I was to proceed with that in mind. I would speak to Jennifer each day, be nice to her and her mean girls posse, and be kind in everything I said in front of them and behind their backs. I could do nothing but show love. They didn't necessarily deserve love, and they surely weren't giving ME any. But that didn't change the reaction that Jesus required. It took months, and it was pretty un-fun being the girl who received mean notes, laughing when I walked in the room, untrue rumors, etc. But LOVE WON! I guess it just wasn't fun to continue to taunt someone whose reaction was continually kind. I'm not saying I didn't want to haul off and hit her (though she was about a foot taller than I was)...but I held out. And we traded around the first, second, and third chair throughout the year. But, somewhere during that school year, the glares stopped, the snickering stopped. Oddly enough, there was another girl that year that I didn't even KNOW who kept sending me messages through other people that if she and I were ever alone, she was going to beat the crap out of me. But by the end of the year, she came around too. Perhaps I was an annoying person. I don't know. What 14 year old girl isn't annoying to some degree?
But Jesus totally helped me survive that year. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Our only response can be love.

As I continue to have epic battles of will with my nearly-two-year-old, I realize that that's what he needs to learn now. LOVE. We are nice and sweet because we want to show love to those around us. Because we aren't the only person on the planet. Because compassion and regard for others is a better tool for dissolving arguments and tension than any show of force or will.

I control my reaction. I cannot control how you treat me, what you say about me, and even how you might use me. I certainly can't contain or really control Shepard's fits. But I can control the reaction I give you and him. Parenting has really been challenging this in my heart. Shepard will learn of the world and its ways what I teach him. I want to teach him the gentle response, the Godly response. That though we might not deserve love sometimes, God is forever pouring it out. Discipline and boundaries are part of that love, but the Spirit is my guide: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) My prayer is that our family will be Spirit-led and bear much fruit. And if there's ever an answer, it's more love.

Mexican for Mother's Day

We were pulling out of church, full of encouragement and thoughts on friendship. Our sleepy little boy in the backseat, already saying, "All done." Um. We have a 30-minute ride, son. You'll have to get comfy. Being the one named Mommy, I got to pick the lunch spot. I opted for the very close and recently discovered Mexican dive near church, Miguel's. If you saw this place, you'd probably keep driving. It looks like it's attached to a sketchy motel by interstate. But their fajitas are fantastic. And they have an "A" rating.
There we are, and within 30 seconds of entering, Shepard knocks over the basket of tortilla chips. But within moments, we have a Mother's Day miracle! I show him for the 100th time how to drink from a straw (even though he has his own sippy cup, he really loves to play with straws). He takes the drink from me and promptly drinks through the straw! This endeavor is a leap away from last week's Sunday lunch that ended up in a full clothes-change in the Showmars bathroom. (For him, not me) Last week's sippy cup got left behind at the church, so we were trying to help him drink milk from a styrofoam cup. Milk-bath.
Fast-forward to Miguel's. I was so excited. I had started to worry that Shepard would be in his first day of college telling his classmates that the one distinguishing thing about him is that he never learned to drink from a straw.
 Our massive plates of fajitas came, as did Shepard's rice and grilled chicken. "RICE!" That kid loves some rice. As is usually the case, about half the rice makes it to his mouth, and the other half ends up in his lap and on the booster seat. We have at least graduated from the "everything on the floor" phase. As he started poaching the rice off my plate, and I had a teeny moment of "hold up! It's my Mother's Day lunch! Calm down little poacher!" Then I realized. I am his mommy. I am mothering him.  I helped him eat and drink (!), and I'll scoop all my rice to his plate so he can drop half of it. I will cheer him on when he tries the beans, even if he makes yucky face. I will take him outside and shake off his lunch in the bushes by the restaurant. I will carry him, draped over my shoulder in sleep, into the house after church and lunch and kiss his forehead and cover him up and pray for a good nap. I will hold him in my lap in his Elmo pajamas when I should be fixing my hair or doing the dishes...because he climbed up there and that's where he wants to be. I will tell him 298 times to sit on his bum and put him in time out despite his protestations. I will do all these over and over because one Mother's Day in the not-too-distant future, he will sit and eat something he ordered for himself and he will eat it all and ask for seconds and grow taller than I am. His long, lean body will get too long to sit in my lap, and his cartoons will turn into car shows or time alone in his room. I will tell him to sit on his bum because one day he'll be at a friend's house, and he'll need to set the example. I will always mother him to varying degrees, of course, but now I get the privilege of being hands-on. He still takes my kisses and runs to me at the end of a school-day. He still mostly fits in my lap. It takes four times longer to get ready in the morning because he still needs me. One day he'll brush his teeth and put on his own clothes. I constantly tell myself this or that phase will be over soon enough, but in truth, I'm not sure I want it to be. I'm very busy celebrating my "moments made of now."

Thank you, Shepard, for making me a Mommy. It's one of my favorite names.

Flashback Friday: Things I learned from my Mom

After my completely selfish post about Mother's Day, I thought perhaps I should follow up with something more substantial. I have such wonderful memories of my mom from when I was little all the way up until just this week. Of course, after 30 some-odd years of living, I can't get everything in one post, so we'll go with "greatest hits."
1. Speaking of hits. (yikes) Yes, I had a lying problem as a child. I've always been so very bad at it, and my Mom could always see right through my attempts. I would usually get a spanking for that offense, as my Mom needed to know that she could trust me. I was generally not a fan of these moments, but my Mom would always give me a number of spanks ahead of time. Almost every time, she would stop short of the last one, and tell me that she was showing me mercy and that I was free to go. I learned that we often deserve a harsher punishment or consequence, but that God, in His mercy, gives us reprieve. I also learned not to lie.
2. I learned to guard my heart. Not every silly boy who showed up at my door deserved my heart and my affections. While I might have crushed hard on a few boys, I did not have to suffer heartbreak after heartbreak because I entered into relationships with some common sense. When I did get heartbroken, Mom was always there to hug me and to talk, and most importantly pray with me.
3. I learned to be girlie and tough. One of the things I love most about my mom is that she has more jewelry than anyone I've ever met, and could open her own shop with her inventory...BUT, she also has her own toolbox and has been known to turn some wood from an old piano into a rockin' headboard with her saw and nails. She can dress to the nines and install a sink. She taught me both the value of celebrating the feminine, and the strength of doing what needs to get done.
4. I learned to believe in myself and God's gifts in my life. From the time I can remember, my Mom has instilled in me that I could be anything and do anything God called me to do or be. Her favorite saying was, "Where there's a will there's a way." I never felt that anything I wanted to do was out of reach. I wasn't always successful, but that's part of learning and growing. I'm thankful my Mom...Dad were always there to cheer me on, cheer me up, and to believe in me.
5. She taught me about the words to this hymn: "What a friend we have in Jesus...all our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer."

(click here to hear my fave version of that song)

 I love you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day. And I'm sorry that I just mailed your card this morning. ;)

And...I really need some copies of pictures when you were rockin' your seventies and eighties clothes. 

All I really want for Mother's Day

 Here's the part where I should write something heartwarming about how just BEING a mom is thanks enough. It is, really. I try to squeeze joy out of each minute (even the temper tantrum minutes...that seem so long). I steal kisses and hugs and light up at the thought of all little man is learning.
I can also dream. So, for this Mother's Day, I'm going to dream a big dream...a flight of fancy, if you will.
I'm going to be real. A real working mom's wish list...

What I would love:
1. A grocery concierge. Someone to go put stuff in the cart that will magically turn into meals. I'll pay for the grocery bill. I just find grocery shopping to be overwhelming and tedious. Much like staring at a full pantry and wondering what we have to EAT. (first world problems, I know)
2. Three days in a row with no morning wake-up. No alarm, no video monitor, no lawn mowing neighbors, no worries about whether I'll get an actual shower or have to resort to a bird-bath in the sink. I just want to awaken naturally and feel the cool sheets and wonder what day it is and smell some coffee...ease out of bed and take deep breaths because there's just no hurry. I sometimes get this little delight on Saturday. It feels like a morsel of heaven.
3. For my entire house to be entirely clean, even if it's just for a day. The baseboards clean, the kitchen art free from oatmeal splatters, the assortment of toys under the sofa gone, the corners of the bathroom sparkling, the laundry done, the bills all filed...I actually don't have enough imagination to see this in my mind's eye. I can only make a list and pretend that it could ever be possible in another dimension or world.
4. One day a month to do house and crafty things. Pinterest alternately inspires me and repels me. I find lots of the posts to be actual do-able decorating ideas. I just don't know when or how to accomplish them. There are always other irons in the fire, it seems. And I have limited wall space. But there is a end table in my den calling my name. I need to figure out how to get that re-done. Soon. Perhaps I'll just take a day off and send little man to school.
5. Instant hair-dryer. This one may seem silly to you. I detest drying my hair, especially May through October. It's like willfully submitting myself to a sweatbox. My hair just doesn't air dry for myriad reasons. It must be blown out. If it could happen in 30 seconds, that would be a slice of heaven.
6. More time to volunteer. I know, I went all humanitarian on my dream list. But it would be amazing to have some time that I could dedicate to helping someone else. At this point in life, I just don't know where to fit that in on a regular basis. It's kind of all I can do to take care of the ones I have.

That's a short list, right? Not too much to ask or dream?  :) Dreaming is good for the soul.

And when I get back to my reality, my never-quite-clean house, there's this little nugget to keep me smiling:

Excuse me, can we have April back? Someone stole it.

April was just a blur. There was a birthday, work events, work events, surprises, a trip to Atlanta, a trip to Greenville, work events...and I'm sure we did something fun. Oh yes, we had a birthday date night to see the Hunger Games, ate at the Beef and Bottle and saw Starving Artist's excellent spring show...and got to see Les Mis (musical version).
One fun thing I did was take a break from my no-new-clothes 2012 edict. Yup. I'm okay with it. When I pulled out my summer wardrobe in March ('cause it was already 85 degrees...what?), I realized that I was seriously struggling in the summer/warm weather clothing department. So, I took my birth-month off and picked up a few items to fill out what I had in the closet. Without making an exhaustive list of why I hate summer clothes...I just find it difficult to be dressed nicely and not be hot. I don't wear sleeveless, I'm really pale, and I hate getting sweaty in dress clothes. Just FINDING stuff I like can be a challenge.
But I think I'm back on the horse, so to speak. I should be able to swim through the summer with what I have now, after I exchange a few items that don't work. I still cannot find a decent pair of chocolate brown cotton dress pants or khakis that fit quite right. Alas, this challenge does not include my learning to sew. Maybe one day...I can sew things that fit my flat behind, my 6'11" husband, and my sure-to-be-tall son.
We're keeping up with kiddo news over on www.shepardjones.com. Which of course, ends up being some family stuff too. I'm looking forward to summer, when we can spend some time outside with the little guy and his backyard playground.
I'm thinking a LOT about how to teach him how to be in the world with others, and that he's not the only person on the planet. I'm thinking a lot about making my moments made of now enjoyable. I still need to paint something besides a wall this year. And keep plugging away at freeing the thoughts that run around in my head late at night.
In other news, I finally went back to the short haircut I love. Between that and Shepard finally answering "YES" to the question "Do you love Mommy?" I'm having a pretty good May.

What's Going On?

I can always tell when life keeps throwing extra balls into juggling routine. I don't get to jot down my thoughts. Busy is my mother-tongue, but every day I am checking in to be sure I'm doing the "right" busy stuff.

What's been going on?

1. No-new-clothes 2012: We had some seriously WARM weather for a St. Patty's day weekend, and I went scrambling into the attic for something short-sleeved and cotton. I also went digging in my closet for sandals! Sandals are the one thing I love about summer. However, after limping around work for a day and shredding the tops of my feet with a pair of black dress sandals...and remembering how I needed some all last summer, I caved and purchased some black dress sandals. The ones I had rip the top of my feet. It's just not worth it. While I was at it, I picked up a pair of bronze-colored flat sandals that should go with literally everything else in my summer wardrobe and cover the bases. These were my birthday presents.

Happy Birthday to meeeeee....



2. I continue to justify my two-shoe pick-up with the fact that one of last year's pairs of sandals actually came completely apart last Friday at the grocery store. I had to walk out with one shoe in hand and one shoe on. I don't even walk barefoot in my own house. I can't stand to have bare feet! So the idea that I was walking in a filthy parking lot kind of put me over the edge. Sadly, this was a pair of "investment" shoes. I had been looking for a pair of beige dressy yet casual sandals for years when I found these, and spent a little more on them than I normally would. Let's just say they haven't worked out. I had to take them to shoe repair last year when the soles were coming off...and last week, they entire cork wedge came apart from the top. Ugh.

3. I haven't yet purchased ANY clothing or jewelry. And hopefully won't be needing any additional shoes. I will say that it was much much easier to coast through fall/winter weather with my wardrobe than it will be for summer. Pretty much my entire summer wardrobe was purchased last year, as the post-baby-body wasn't fitting into my summer stash. So, when you see me sporting my black and white striped shirt for the bazillionth time, just know. It fits. It matches. I'm wearing the heck out of it.
4. Shepard is starting to talk and make sooo many connections. When he hears an airplane overhead and waves his hand around, as I showed him how the planes fly. His inquisitive nature is at work the moment he wakes up. I love to see him scrunch up his forehead when he's trying to work something out. He knows most of his animal noises now and attributes them to the correct animals. Crickets still buzz like bees, but that's fine.
5. Speaking of the short guy, we were sooo blessed to pull down a bag FULL of summer clothes for him. I was thinking he didn't have any, then lo and behold, a TON from my friend Jill were hiding behind a Christmas box! Thank you, Lord for your provision again and again. We were able to pass on a ton of clothes on to some other little boys too, so I'm thankful to give and receive.
6. My boss is retiring. At the end of next summer, we'll have a new President of Winthrop. Crazy, since he's been president since Jerod and I were students here (and a few years before that, even). So, the next year or so could bring lots of change to me and my co-workers as we have the "last" events all year for this president and make plans to inaugurate a new one.

I still have no idea why this list was numbered. Sometimes I just like to number things. Two of the items were about shoes. You can't help your passions, now can you? For the record, I would like to highly endorse the Clarks Privo sandal line. Stylish, flat and cushiony (see picture above). All the things a girl with bad feet and a shoe fetish could love.
Happy Spring!

Flashback...er...Friday?

I know. I know. You've been feverishly refreshing your "keeping up" blog since Friday wondering where the heck I was with a riveting flashback. It's Monday. It may or may not happen today. Last week, I was on spring break, got sick and had my folks in town for five days (yay!); so I was busy blowing my nose, having fun, going to the park, and eating out. I'm a hot flying mess today trying to get my massive work week underway. Perhaps I'll write a flash-forward, a la LOST about a time when my child magically does what I say, my nose isn't stuffy, and I'm independently wealthy and can write some each day. Yes. I like it.
See you soon! --ish.

Clothe me, Lord

I made a crazy decision to go a whole year without purchasing clothing for myself. A whole year, y'all. Here's the post on that in case you're not caught up on your "keeping up" reading...
I just felt that I should make use of the clothing I had and not feed my shopping habit. Some of you have asked me how it's going. I like to imagine about 400 of you cheering me on. I know this is also crazy, but it helps when I'm having a weak moment...
Like Friday. At Target. I went with no real list, other than Jerod needed some hair gel, Shepard could use some more socks, and I wanted to look at kiddo riding toys. I mean, why not just STROLL through the ladies clothing department? What could it hurt? I had a personal gift card I could use, so I wouldn't even spend actual MONEY if I found something. (justify much?) I looked and looked. I settled on a black and white tank top. I put it in the cart. I kept looking. I moved to shoes. If they had had those coral wedge sandals in my size, those would have gone in the cart too. I circled back into the clothing section. Tank top went back on the shelf. I really needed to pull down my summer/spring stuff before I go buying anything, I thought.
Come on, Shelley!
Then I moved on to the toddler clothes section. I filled the cart with cute little boy shorts and matching shirts for summer. Then made my way to the toy section...then felt compelled to go put most of the toddler clothes back too. I need to see what he has stashed away in the attic too, and since it's just March, there is no need to purchase his entire warm-weather wardrobe! I was having an all-out battle.
"Come on, Shelley, it was just a $9 tank top and some kid shorts..."

Yes, and it's more than that too. It's trusting God to provide. It's acknowledging that he is my source, for material goods and for my fulfillment. It's about being a steward of the closet I've amassed. It's about this:

 Matthew 6: 25“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27“And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28“And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 And I realize that not everyone needs to do what I'm doing. But it's important for me. Likewise, on Sunday, it all came home to me with Colossians 3.

12Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.14Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

I think the Lord sometimes uses real-life lessons to show us what He wants to do in our hearts. He wants me to worry about a different kind of clothing during this season. Not about being beautiful or stylish on the outside for others to see, but about being compassionate and beautiful on the inside, because I allowed his love and compassion to flow through me. As our pastor said yesterday, we don't need to just put the old ways behind us, we need to adopt NEW ways. We need to move forward with things to DO and do them.

So, perhaps this year will bring some new God-colored clothes my way. And as much as I've always detested anything heart-shaped in my style, I hope that's exactly what I'm going to get.

Perhaps I need a new motto?

ps. In the continuing trend of God's uncanny provision, our dear neighbors offered Shepard a little riding toy yesterday...two days after I looked at them specifically at Target...I'm just saying.