Don't you ever wonder what you might have been if you weren't what you are? At least in the employment division? I am currently an event planner. I make sure that we have a venue, flowers, candles, food, chairs, tables, lights, clean restrooms, guests, happy guests, traffic flow, parking...and do all of that perfectly so I'm ready for curveballs...like the table catching on fire in the reception hall right as the bride was walking into the adjacent room for her wedding (yes, it happened).
It never gets dull.
But, I often muse about made-up jobs I could have.
1. Editor of social media and blogs. I'm not all judge-y about grammar. (Clearly. I just used the word "judge-y.") But, I really like for people to use the right version of their/they're/there; here/hear; your/you're; loose/lose, etc. If I could surreptitiously edit folks' status updates without their knowing, I would sleep better at night. Some people are better at a myriad of things and spelling may not be at the top of their list. It's ok! I just love to read well-written and correctly spelled sentences. Call me crazy. And if you find misteaks on this here blog, you are welcum to coment.
2. Professional Sleep-Trainer
I am very good at sleeping. I have slept through numerous large storms, tornadic activity, (Is tornadic a word? My spell-checker says no. A quick visit to my online friend says yes.) dogs barking, etc. I go to sleep depths heretofore unknown to mankind. Even with a child. For a small fortune, I can train you to sleep deeply and well! (I make these claims with no knowledge as to whether they are true.) Wouldn't it be a DREAM job? (pause for pun-induced laughter)
3. Pizza Taste-tester.
I'm sure someone employs folks to taste their pizza. Unfortunately, my waistline has little tolerance for carb-loading. But in a dream world, I could do this job every day; NOT gain weight, and get paid.
4. Optical Center Opinionista
I recently had to go alone to choose some new frames for new glasses. I had my infant in tow, but he was more curious about his cheerios and the familiar-looking child in the mirror. He was no help, really. I guess I didn't HAVE to go alone, but I had an hour or so unaccounted for and needed to get that marked off the list. I'm good at eliminating the ugly. I narrowed it down to five. I nixed the red ones. Too Sally Jesse (if you were born after 1982, just keep moving...you don't get it) But what I needed was the OCO. Someone who will tell you if the frames make your cheeks look like the fourth member of the Chipmunks. Or if you suddenly look like Sarah Palin or Woody Allen. I chose. Hubby likes them. But my friend Cristina would agree, you need someone there to tell it straight. "Honey, those frames bring out the yellow in your complexion. Why don't we try a nice tortoise shell?" I could be that person.
5. Travel Book Writer
I suppose this one could be within reason and my reach. But Fodor's never called. And my non-profit/education salaries never afforded a hobbyist approach. I can hardly imagine a more interesting job, though. Go to museums, dives, and landmarks on someone else's dime and write about it? Yes, please! Maybe one day...
6. Tour Guide...of? Hmmm. Just about anything.
Yes, I realize this too could be within my reach. But fate has me settled in Rock Hill, SC, at the moment. There's not much to tour around here. I did give tours of my college campus for the admissions office. One summer, I did at least one tour every day for them. I loved it. I love talking with people, sharing history, answering questions...it never got old. When I'm old and gray or have the luxury of retirement, I am trotting to the nearest museum or historic site and will be a volunteer docent. I will make visual aids and sing songs. I have no shame...all in the name of TOUR GUIDE! One of the best tours I ever took was at Sainte Chappelle in Paris. The guide was mesmerizing. And though I had visited there twice before, she utterly changed the experience. She made the 12th century chapel come to life. I am inspired just thinking of her.
7. Floral Designer
Aside from allergies that may or may not be to flowers, and no idea how to get into it...I adore looking at floral arrangements and all the possibilities of modern floral arranging. I'm not really talking about FTD online. (ugh) I mean beautiful simplicity like this:
That level of floral design is stunning and creative. I am in awe. In my dream world, I can create such designs.
8. Finally, online Scrabble or Words with Friends player
I really could play all day, every day. I don't. But I could. Each turn is a puzzle, a challenge. My pulse quickens with the K or J pops up in my rack. I am a geek. I am an unashamed word geek. Last I checked, word geek doesn't pay very much. Our payment is a triple-word score bingo using a "Z." Cha-ching! Or should I say SHAZAAM?
We'll just leave it at that.
What would YOU like to be??