What our country needs most...accountability

Oy vey. I'm up to my ears in political rhetoric these days. Not only the Presidential hotbed, but being in a "border-town," I'm getting all the North Carolina ads every 30 seconds. I live in South Carolina. I don't care about "Wasteful Walter Dalton" or crazy Kay Hagin. I'm tempted to DVR EVERYTHING I MIGHT WANT TO WATCH over the next three weeks and zoom through the mud slinging commercials.
So, a political post? Yeah. I feel the need. I got fired up watching the debate the other night. I have no desire to discuss the merits of either candidate...as I really don't think either one really has a total package. I have chosen my candidate, and we'll leave well enough alone. What fired me up was the discussion on education. I'm not an educator, but I am surrounded by them...my own husband and family members, and then I do work at a university that is the foremost teaching training school in South Carolina...
I hear the candidates talk about competition and vouchers, and I think they're missing the boat altogether. What our schools need is a huge dose of ACCOUNTABILITY...not only for teachers, but also for STUDENTS and PARENTS and ADMINISTRATORS.
We wonder why our students don't measure up to the rest of the world? We have baseline expectations for them, that's why. Just pass 'em through. No Child Left Behind grades schools on a variety of factors, one of them being attendance. Low-performing schools will do anything they can to receive a "good grade" on any part of this scorecard. So, often times, children who should be suspended for consistently deplorable behavior get to come to school and continue to disrupt classrooms so they are counted in the attendance. Students who sit in class and do NO WORK are passed if they "show improvement," because we need to move the students along...why? To increase the grade on the scorecard. And the teachers who fight with said students all year to get them to behave or to write something besides their names on an assignment are to blame? (can you hear me screaming now?)
I have lived through these scenarios. Parents today are quick to believe their children over teachers. People, teachers do not get paid enough to have time to hold a personal grudge against a child. They really aren't singling the kid out. They really don't have time to concoct bad behaviors and frame your child for classroom "crimes." Our society of "me and mine" has infected our classrooms. Richy rich parents want a completely customized educational experience, in which their children are appropriately challenged, but not so much that the child cannot make an "A" without studying. Parents on the other end of the socio-economic spectrum are just trying to get by, and often don't have the time or money to assist with their student's education. A call to the greater good would be in order for all of us. There are more children than just one in a classroom. Ideals of community have been lost on us over the past 30 years. A crippling selfishness is hurting all of us. These kids who disrupt have been enabled by parents who cut others off in traffic because they're in a hurry or yell at a store clerk for making a small mistake.
Better reforms in the educational system would be to hold administrators accountable for provided relevant teacher training, instead of throwing something together to check it off their list. Hold administrators accountable for disciplining unruly students, despite what it might mean for the school report card. Hold teachers accountable for teaching and interacting with students, for creating an environment in which students can learn HOW to learn, instead of how to pass a standardized test. Curious students will fuel a good school. Hold parents accountable for reinforcing good habits at home and make participation in their child's education inevitable. Reach out to parents who don't have resources...feed hungry students and provide real-world support. Let's learn some lessons about living peaceably together in community...about not lashing out when things don't go our way. While I'm at it...a National Standardized Test would give us benchmarks to see where we need to pick up the pace, or whose educational practices are working.
It's complicated, I know. Inspiring hard work and instilling discipline are more difficult than lowering expectations and a turning blind eye to bad behavior. If there's one thing I know about people, though, we really do like clearly defined parameters. We really do want to live up to expectations of others in a healthy way. We really do want to succeed if we're encouraged. We are selfish by nature, but in order to have a healthy society, we need to put some thought into how we can service the collective community through education. And I'm off to see if I can practice what I preach.

Into the woods.

When I go to the woods, I begin to wonder if I could just stay. I mean, I want to stay. But could I make it? I have these moments when I indulge a crazy-wonder about moving to the middle of nowhere and becoming hermit-like. When the world keeps spinning so fast and furious, the politicians are slinging mud, the stock market is bottoming out, family members are losing retirement money, deadlines are looming, demands are increasing, and days just aren't long enough...I long for the rhythm of the woods. The fading light of sunset, the crickets and frogs, and yes, even owls...delightful. I love waking up to the sound of a stream versus the scream of my alarm clock. And need I mention the fact that comfortable shoes are the norm here?

Some pics from our weekend in the woods...

Penny Sue Price...or...Patience has a Price

I sit next to a lady named Penny Sue Price in my photoshop class. I knew better. There were so many seats I could have chosen. But there I sat, and as you know, wherever you land on the first day is usually where you end up...otherwise you upset the cosmic seating arrangement balance. Plus, you can create a folder on the desktop and store stuff there.
But Penny Sue might have been worth a move. Or maybe I'm supposed to be sitting there. The Lord likes to teach me lessons about myself and my pride and my ignorance through Penny Sues. Penny Sue is older, and most everything about the computer confounds her in general. She blames it for losing her files, for crashing (when it hasn't), and for myriad other things that it can't do by itself. She mutters constantly and blurts out questions during lecture...questions that make no sense. Even when she addresses a question directly to me, I usually have to ask her 12 questions to understand how she got to where she is in her problem. Sometimes I think we don't speak the same language. As I hurriedly try to refresh my brain for a quiz in the next class, she chats it up with me about solar power and her car payment...and the way she talks always makes me feel like I was dropped into the middle of the conversation and have no idea what she's talking about.
Basically, I don't understand how she got to this class with few computer and social skills. But I am starting to admire her tenacity. I would not have stayed. From what I can gather, up 'til now, the class may as well have been being taught in Chinese, because opening a new file is a challenge for her...and we are chugging along at a pretty good clip. She continues. She asks questions. She struggles, but she stays.
All of this to say, at first, I thought I'd continue to sit by Penny Sue because it would be a good thing to teach me some patience, and be another step in getting over myself. I am learning, however, that as I continue to see the less fortunate as "projects," I will never really get over myself. Julia reminded us last night to live from our HEARTS, not our MINDS. My heart needs to learn to love as Christ loved...and he loves ME in all my ignorance about the way HIS operating system runs. When I doubt whether he has lost my files or has crashed my life...I am Penny Sue. He continues to be patient with me and to love me and to show me that I am not his project; I am his beloved. I cannot conceive that He doesn't get frustrated with my ignorance and inability to learn simple lessons the first eight times He teaches me. But he doesn't. He is gentle and loving. And the more time I spend with Him, the more I become gentle and loving...less prideful, as though I have something besides His love to offer Penny Sue. That's ALL I have, humbly, together with His patience, as we both learn how to photoshop. Stay tuned.

Compassion, Justice, Jesus

So, I totally stole this video from Michelle Wheeler's blog (thanks!)...but it was too stirring not to post. How do we serve the poor and neglected in our everyday lives? Whether we're in cities, burbs, or countryside...there must be a way.

This video was shot entirely on a cell phone.
It won the Tropfest, NY 2008 Film Festival.
Click for link (I couldn't get it to upload!!) It's just amazing and poetic and beautiful.

For more, our Pastor spoke about this very topic on Sunday: link to study notes or link to web page for podcast.
How can I make this a way of life and not just a random, occasional act?

Who?

Mystery solved. We now know "who?" Last year, our pond was violated and fish disappeared...(see post and picture). A series of events just unfolded, and we have discovered the culprit. He visited a few weeks back...sitting boldly in our yard, staring at us...then staring at our precious fishes. He sat on the kennel fence just feet away for almost an hour, daring us in a way. I kept having visions of him flying toward my hair. Even when he flew away, he settled on a high branch overlooking the pond...his presumed sushi buffet. We covered the pond with a screen and other sundry items to keep him at bay. But we felt optimistic, and uncovered it...putting the plants back in, and hoping the coverage would be enough.

He returned last Thursday and picked off the slowest fish...my favorite, Otis. The other fish were traumatized and would not come to the surface for days, even for food. Screen now firmly in place for good.
Jerod sat by the fire pit Saturday night, and heard a "crumpet" behind him (his word, not mine). The pesky bird ninja had landed on the top of the shed, looking for another free meal. Not this time, silent flier. It was easy to feel bold watching him from the inside. But I'm quite sure the owl was as interested in the fish as he was my hair and eyes. Freaky, I tell you.
As we all sat around the fire making our s'mores, he teased us from the darkness of the woodsbehindourhouse..."WHO?" I know who. We captured you in action, you ninja bird of darkness. Stay away from our fishes.

Click for more photos.

Dream a Little Dream...

I had a wee dreamlet last night. I was walking down a sidewalk and the Lord said to me to rest in His grace, to trust in His provision...and as I did, I began to fairly float, as if gravity had no hold on me and the walking was not remotely difficult. It was such a light and lovely feeling, not to be hostage to gravity and striving. Then, I went to church, and Margaret Gaines expressed some of the same ideas...and I felt like I was floating again. It felt like my natural state, as if I were finally doing what I was supposed to be doing...that the walking was weird and the floating was normal.

No sooner...

...do I pray for Holy interruptions, and I get one in the same week! Dear Friend stopped by to drop off some items for a yard sale...gets offered some of our dinner...sits down to eat a few bites before her next event...And ends up encouraging and ministering to us for hours. We were all knocked off our plans to go to a party, clean out a closet, and vegetate on a sofa. Praise God for people who question and listen and grasp tightly to a beautiful, simple faith. Praise God for community, even spontaneous community. And Praise God for country fried steak to share.

Embarrassing Moment

Sheila dared us to write out our most embarrassing moment on our blog and post them to HER blog...ugh. This would have to be it:

When I was working in youth ministry a few years back, it took A LOT to embarrass me. I really have very little shame, and would regularly sacrifice my reputation to keep attention, get a laugh, or make a point. I've even sat in a dunking booth for a good cause...in other words it takes a mountain-sized embarrassment to make me wish for a hole to open up and swallow me whole.

We had just finished up a video scavenger hunt with dozens of students...running around town, capturing THEIR embarrassing moments on video...making them sing songs about vegetables in the produce section of a grocery store, paint fingernails of complete strangers...with bonus points if they could find a guy who would let them paint fingers and toes...you get it. Embarrassment was in the air.
We were enjoying a quick trip to the local Dairy Queen before heading back to church, all of us lined up, laughing, and salivating over impending butterfinger blizzards.
Aaron Yancey (who was a student then) came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes, just goofing around. Being ever the dramatic person, I started saying in some affected accent, "Oh, I can't see...I'm blind...who could it be? I'm blind! I'm blind!" and generally carrying on. I wasn't being particularly loud, but it was loud enough for the couple in front of me to hear.
I knew something was amiss when a hush fell over the entire DQ, and Aaron uncovered my eyes. I was disoriented. Everyone was staring at me...
...including the husband directly in front of me in line. He shook his head at me. ("WHAT'S GOING ON?" I wondered.) It was then I noticed his wife had a blind cane in front of her, and his hand was on her elbow to steady her.
Honestly, I had NOT seen here there, and would NEVER, EVER make fun of someone for a physical impairment. It was a nauseous coincidence.
Needless to say, it was awkward in there for a few minutes. I was speechless. The teenagers were staring at me like I had slapped Jesus in the face. That's what it felt like...I really did want the earth to open beneath me and take me once and for all.

Why I am surprised?

When my day gets rearranged and things seem to fall in place as if by divine intervention...why am I always surprised? God just loves to interrupt me and "my business" and usually leaves a blessing behind like a calling card. And I have a sneaky suspicion it's just because he loves me. I shall leave the door open for him to come and go as he pleases. If he chooses to disguise himself as an interruption or potential irritant in my carefully-wrought agenda, I will breathe deeply and know that my life should be ruled be the Spirit and not by the clock. I humbly submit this proclamation in faith, that my dependence may bring far more for the Kingdom than my usual routine. I shudder to think what might happen next. But I need to be free from the suffocation and restraint of Time and Duty.

The List of Craig

I've been trolling craigslist.org this week hunting for a nice desk. We are rearranging the office space at the house and in need of something smaller. I hadn't found just the right thing at any regular retail outlets, so a few times a day, I'd hit up the online exchange.

What I learned:

The man selling the farmhouse table (which I thought might make a nice computer table) was showing MORE THAN A TABLE. I flagged him and his...well...and the nice people at craigslist promptly removed his posting. Bizarre.

There are words in the English language that completely confound the average joe looking to unload some extra furniture. A sampling:

1. Fruniture for sell--not just a typo, it repeated several times
2. Not selling seperately--Jerod tells me to remember it has "a rat" in it--separately
3. Serious injuries only--YIKES! Fruniture is danjerous.
4. Must sale today--sell, sale, sail--they are different words with different meanings
5. Chabby chic--Chubby Checker, Charlie Chaplin, Shabby Chic
6. Armour--or armoire, it's French, they get a pass
7. Non smocking home--good thing, I hate it when people smock
8. Rod Iron--half pass, as "wrought" is odd, and iron can be rod-like
9. Chester Drawers--had a friend named Chester, didn't know anything about his drawers.

And then...the "Executive Desk Hooker." Upon further inspection, "hooker" is a brand name of nice desks...but I'm fairly sure that wasn't the best headline.

The Anchor Holds

What are Christian mime troupes to do? Ray Boltz, an absolute STAPLE in the cheesy Christian drama genre and a blessing to many...has come out of the closet. The man who brought us "Than You," (which I may have sung to my pastor when I was about 14 for an offeratory), "Watch the Lamb" (which I may have had to learn an entire "routine" to with dowel rods at a drama seminar--oh my), and "The Anchor Holds" (which blesses my dad unlike any song I've ever seen)...is gay.

Click here for story.

This issue is one that Christians must face. How do we LOVE homosexuals in the church? We have not done a good job with it thus far. It seems far more noble to love other people that we label "sinners." This is such a complicated issue, and it seems to be going nowhere. I have dear friends who have been vibrant servants of the Lord, who later come out of the closet in a flurry of confusion and condemnation. Some have embraced the gay lifestyle and have defended their Christianity. One such friend even has a ministry to gay Christians, after he came out in seminary. Another friend has undergone counseling, and felt compelled to reject the lifestyle and embrace the Lord's help in living a heterosexual life with a wife and child. Homosexuality is pervasive in our media unlike never before. If we call it "sin," we are labeled bigots--uncaring, uneducated homophobes. If we call it ok, we are not being true to God's word and laws. Unlike any other issue, I think it is impossible to "win" here. We aren't going to get anywhere by condemning people (have we LEARNED THAT YET???). We aren't going to get anywhere by trying to change people--hello. That's God's job. The simplistic response to an increasingly complex issue is to love them into Jesus' presence. Let Jesus do what He does. We should be responsible for extending God's love, without arguing or condoning. "What if they don't get fixed?" What if...it's God's responsibility to heal people who are in pain or deception? I still wrestle with these questions. I have friends who TRULY wrestle with these questions. What else can I do but love them?

Mishaps in Church

Yesterday's service was a little wacky for me, with my view from the "slide show." I make the media presentations for church each week...patching together some photos, videos, words to songs, and scriptures to make a visual worship experience. Usually, we have a service with very few hiccups.

Then sometimes, things get a little hairy.

Our guest worship leader got lost in Charlotte before service, so the house band was hastily pulling out some oldy-goldies, which put me typing in some songs just before service began. Fast typing, distractions, questions, and confusion leads to songs like this showing up on the screen:

(for context...this was at the particularly serious altar call time)



'I love You, Lord...And I lift my voice...to worship You, Oh my soul rejoice...

Take joy my King...in what You hear...Let it be a sweet, sweet sound...IN YOUR EYE"



I noticed it just before we got there. Behind me, I hear Nathan say, "EYE?" I look over to see Iris and Richard dissolved in giggles. (Iris had to leave service she was laughing so hard). With our new, fancy media program, I can edit without anyone noticing. I debated for a second, and swiftly changed the words for the next run-through to read, "In your ear."



Talk about holy laughter.


Pictured: traditional "God's Eye" art common to Mexican Indians.

Quick Funny

I was getting some online help from Apple yesterday by chatting with a customer service person. My main question was about having more RAM or more hard drive space...RAM is the answer in case you're wondering. I mentioned getting an additional external hard drive. He then reminded me that we should always back up our files on eternal hard drives.
At which point I asked him if I could download directly to God's brain?
How WOULD one retrieve those files?

Lizard Adventures

Sometimes oh so serious, the blog. It's my stopping off place to slow down and gather my thoughts about this life. But today, just a snippet of funny, as my life is so often hilarious...those little moments where you wish someone had captured you on video just so you could re-watch it and laugh again.
My morning routine includes coffee on the sofa, Good Morning America, and putting on make-up while I warm up to the idea of wakefulness. Tink, the Boston Terrier, is usually curled up beside me taking her first nap of the day. Last Friday, however, I was startled to see my green blanket sprout legs and start walking. There was wee little lizard keeping company with me on the sofa. Being the same color as my green throw, I had not seen him.
"Oh crap! Jerod is not here! What am I going to do with this lizard?"
First thoughts run toward just pretending I don't see him at all. Then I imagine him crawling into my sheets and greeting me in the night. That won't work.
Jerod can just pick up a lizard with his bare hands. I cannot do this. I coached myself into believing I could, but when the lizard ran over my fingertips I came as close as I ever have to fainting. I know. It's silly. I know.
I thought to perhaps trap him in a can with a lid previously used for hot chocolate and release him outside. He was having no part of that scheme.
I dried my hair.
Lizard's still in the den.
Ironed my pants.
Lizard is now on my shoe. SHOE! I will carry him outside on my shoe.
Nope. No go.
Tink has yet to bat an eye at me, and is snoozing soundly. Too bad she didn't have it in her to chase him for me! She should be good for something besides napping.
It's now or never. The lizard must go. I need to get to work.
I chased him to the kitchen door! He went behind. Lizard is visibly panting with fear. I feel badly. He does not know that I mean him no harm. I just do not cohabitate with reptiles. He runs up the side, and around to the inside. "RUN OUTSIDE, STUPID LIZARD! YOU ARE SECONDS AWAY FROM FREEDOM!" I was actually talking to him by this point. Telling him it was ok, soothing him, and coaxing him like a puppy. "Come on. You can do it. The outside is nice. You will like it here."
He flew to Jerod's giant black flip-flop. BINGO! Just a foot away from the outside now. And score! Wee lizard is on his merry way with a colossal story to tell his own lizard friends about the crazy lady who chased him tried to trap him in a cocoa can.

Revival in the Land

I am forever thankful for my upbringing in Pentecostal/Charismatic circles. I was exposed to the ideas that God is alive, moving, and present in our lives. I have experienced His power, His guidance, and His grace in amazing ways. I have sung to the highest rafter, hands lifted high, and heart aflame.

I have also watched as Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, Larry Lea, Richard Roberts, Fred Price, Creflo Dollar, Robert Tilton, Ted Haggard...and now Todd Bentley...have fallen off pedestals because of egregious hidden sin and lies. There could be many more names on the list, as almost everyone I know who has grown up in this movement has a local man (or woman) to add to the list.

The Pentecostal-flavored Christian faith is not at its core flawed. It is one that embraces the third member of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit, as "the spirit that guides us into all truth" (to quote Jesus in John 16:13). We recognize that our power to encourage, worship, correct, admonish, administer, minister, help, plant churches, and prophesy can only come through an active and vibrant relationship with the entire Trinity, and that the Holy Spirit is our power to walk out the Christian faith. It's not "added zest or zeal" as my Pastor reminds, but a real, living and integral part of our relationship with God.

I read a letter today that has peaked my interest. Dutch Sheets http://www.dutchsheets.org/index.cfm has written a letter about the recent downfall of heralded revivalist Todd Bentley of the Florida Outpouring in Lakeland, Florida. Of the many fine points he makes, one of them is the need for actual INTEGRITY among our ranks...(and I would add from the top to the bottom, as it were). So many in our movement follow the show, the big bang-boom-ba, and then blame the show on the Holy Spirit. Most of us know that with the right music and the right smooth-tongued preacher, it is fairly easy to get people worked into a frenzy. Sadly, I think most of the Spirit-chasers have hearts for God in the right place. I think many are seeking to know Him more and to be full of His Holy Spirit. But we have to keep our eyes on the LORD. We have to be discerning. We have to walk into all situations with our ear attuned the STILL, SMALL VOICE of God as much as it is attuned to the yelling and histrionics of some on a stage.

In short, we also have to have our own personal revival of the heart, that comes not in fireworks and parades, and full bands with forty-hundred singers; but in times of meditation on the Word, study, prayer, and reflection...and dare I say...fasting. The Holy Spirit can be present in the quiet. He can teach and heal in a bedroom, a boardroom, or a grocery store. There is no magic or incantation that "calls Him up" when several hundred people get together and have a hoe-down. The Lord desires to be worshipped in Spirit and IN TRUTH. When we are walking in the TRUTH, our worship will be sweet to the Lord, whether we are in a stadium or in a corner of our guest bedroom all alone. The Lord is always looking to "pour out His Spirit" on those who are seeking His heart.

Pastor Sheets makes another fine point. We have all of this focus on being "restoring" ministries or ministries for broken people...certainly!! The church at large must be in the business of restoration. But the other side of the SAME COIN requires us to be accountable and responsible to our community of believers DURING THE PROCESS OF SALVATION AND SANCTIFICATION!!!!! During, not after the tumble. There should be a reasonable expectation of integrity among our leaders. These few examples and countless other leaders have cut themselves off from anyone who will correct them or bring them under spiritual authority. They have shunned true community, and therefore have shunned the power of the BODY of Christ. They have spit in the face of the church, the body that God placed on earth to help us all in our journey. These ideas are the very backbone of the real Christian faith.

I am saddened that Sheets did not voice his concerns earlier. Many people seemingly have been uneasy, but have been hesitant to say anything. Paul would have called it out. He did this regularly in Scriptures when churches were off-kilter or false teachers were spewing lies. We are so afraid to offend sometimes or to squelch a work of the Spirit. We should be more afraid that shysters and unrepentant, unbroken sinners are leading the church into confusion and disarray.

As a body of believers worldwide, we must now more than ever seek the quiet place, where the Lord can speak TRUTH to us through his Word and by his Spirit so we can see our own failings first, and then we can discern the truth of world around us.

I am not pointing fingers. I, too, must submit myself to my own body of believers. I have to make time and space for the Lord to speak. I have to be on guard for heresy and ideas that will crumble my faith. I have, in the past, cut myself off and indulged in a life free from accountability. I thank God that His grace and mercy extends over us, and that He walks us through times when we are stupid. I am thankful for the cross and the atonement. I am hopeful that Spirit-chasers will get tackled by the Spirit and wrestled into a grace-filled, deep relationship with the triune God and will stop looking for hype and highs. Can't we learn from all of this??

It's a BLOG-O-VERSARY!

It's my three-year BLOG-O-VERSARY this month! I can't believe it's been three whole years. There have been dry spells where I neglected Mr. Blog, but for the most part, it's been a valuable tool for reflection, updating, laughing, and marking moments in our lives.

Three things that have changed since I started blogging:

1. Our church officially began holding services in early September 2005!

2. I started a job at Winthrop University shortly after the blog commenced, in October 2005.

3. I began taking classes in graphic design in August 2007.

I can't believe the major life changes that the past three years have brought. Feel free to think back to YOUR last three years and post a comment about what has changed in your lives!! Perhaps three years ago, you have never even HEARD of a blog!! Visit the "Archive" on the right to view old posts...and take a stroll down memory lane.

If you're still a bit unsure about all of this blogging stuff, check out this WALL STREET JOURNAL story about the history of the blog and some important people's perspectives about them. My google search for "blog anniversary" generated over 3 million hits. Crazy. Thank you for dropping by to celebrate the blogoversary with me.

I'm a Human Doing. Thoughts on Prayer.

(long one. no apologies.)

If you've come across me here before or know me in "real" life...you'll know my battle with being a performance-oriented do-er. It's one thing to struggle with that in the day-to-day life, but what about when it permeates my spiritual walk, too? God and I have had some talks about this need to mine to produce and be affirmed...constantly.

On one particular occassion a few years back, I was scurrying around preparing for a youth service at the church where I worked. I had done a good job on this night of delegating to volunteers--so good a job, in fact, that I worked myself right into having not a task to accomplish as the service began. What an odd feeling it was. Just the freedom to BE in the service and not worry about what needed to happen next. But my reaction to this freedom was the problem. The music began, and I started churning about what I might have forgotten, what else could be done...when God hit me upside the head with a thought just as clear as day. "Be a worshipper, Shelley." He didn't want me to engage with anything but HIM at that moment.

I tend to find this is the case. We want to know what we can do FOR Him, BECAUSE OF Him, or IN HIS NAME...instead of just being near to Him and letting Him move us to doing. The "being" needs to come well before the "doing."

So, our church had a week of 24/7 prayer last week. We all signed up for an hour-long slot and were asked to go to a particular prayer center in downtown Charlotte. Can do. Sign me up! I do very well with clear expectations. Jerod and I signed up for an hour each, in back-to-back time slots between 8 - 10 pm. We're there.

I expected a cold, dark room with a pillow...maybe a candle...and just some quiet for the Lord to reveal all His great and wonderful plans to me. I expected maybe to sing Hallelujah while doing arms gestures the moment I walked in the door. Instant epiphanies! I don't know what all I expected...but those were darn near close.

As we entered the space, we were greeted by a familiar couple coming off a two-three hour stint in the center. They explained a bit of what was there, and left us to it. There were stations, information, cozy chairs...there was dim lighting, beautiful decor...a shabby-chic, thrift-store, well-worn secret spot feeling...like "The Secret Garden," but with candles and ottomans instead of flowers. There were cubbies and DVD's, paints, paper, and Bibles, post it notes to write down secrets and names and prayer requests...and then there was me. Very overwhelmed. Here I expected to have a pillow and Jesus...and here is all this stuff...TO DO!!!!! I didn't know whether to cry or cheer. "But I didn't come here to DO!" I thought. "I came here to PRAY!"

I immediately set about going through the cubbies, putting on headphones for DVD's on various topics, such as discipleship, forgiveness, etc. I found myself at odds with the whole experience at first. I didn't come to listen to a person! I came to listen to GOD!!!! These quotes and photos and books and videos are all very cool, but they make me think about how I could re-create such a thing...that's a great font...where did they find that picture?...I love this chair...it was all becoming a project for me somehow.

God at this point is probably just chuckling at my denseness.

After being somewhat annoyed and trying to figure out how to open myself up to this prayer process, I finally ended up in a corner cubby. Most of what I remember about it is that the one word, "SUBMIT" was taped to the wall there. And there was a journal, filled with handwritten prayers/thoughts/quotes/verses and magazine clippings...like someone had emptied thoughts from his/her creative brain onto paper and gathered them all in a book. "What the heck...let's look at that. I'm not getting much else out of this yet..."

And, forty minutes into my first hour...I finally realized I had yet to PRAY (at the prayer center...I know!). As I pored through the journal, the Lord FINALLY was able to get through to me. The first thing that jumped off the page: "How can you lead others by still waters when you are in perpetual motion?" OK. Time to get serious. I continued to read, prayerfully now...asking the Lord to speak. Of course He did. He always will when we get still and quiet our brains and bodies and ask Him to.

Thankfully, Jerod and I chose to combine our hour slots and be in the space at the same time...so I had another hour and some change to get myself in the right frame of mind. Prayer can be so difficult for do-ers because it insists on your BEING first. You can't switch the two. You can't come into His presence with a to-do list and expect to get anything DONE. You have to come to him empty-handed. He does the work. That's why He says "my yoke is easy and my burden is light." He does the heavy lifting if we let Him!!! And that, my friends, is why RESTING in HIM and PRAYING is the best doing we can do. Start there, and the other stuff will make more sense. What He asks us to do will be more effective and less frustrating and just less...busy.

So, I've been singing this song lately...especially at the beginning of my prayer time:

Breathe in Your presence...Breathe out my prayers

A Holy Reunion

You whisper in my ear.

I long to see Your face,

I long to hear Your voice,

Wrap me in Your presence, Oh Lord.

Let it Rain!

sidebar: I seem to be posting a lot with audio-visual effects. If you can play this, please do. It makes a nice accompaniment to the post. If you really want the full effect of the blog today, sing along.

I know first-hand the need for rain. We have been in exceptional drought conditions for over a year now in South Carolina. Silly as it sounds, I had to watch my sweet little plants wither up to nothing because we felt the need to conserve so we could do things like brush our teeth and clothes. I remember watching the red clay earth dry up and crack open last summer...then, when we had a 10-minute flash shower after months of nearly nothing, I remember running outside and doing a rain-jig on the front lawn (this is not a metaphor...I literally was doing a jig! The Tall One didn't know whether to laugh or commit me.). I remember another day that some threatening clouds came overhead, looking as if they might release the needed water onto our thirsty ground. I sang this song at the top of my lungs as I stood in my doorway, hopeful and expecting.

And my soul has been singing this song for months, years, maybe my whole life. And the Lord is faithful to answer the cry. And recently, I think, He has loaded the rain clouds with His truth and grace and power. But I wasn't expecting to get such a flood. There's nothing worse sometimes than being caught in a rainstorm unprepared...you just have to resign yourself to complete drenching. Typically, you resist by trying to find something just to cover your head...an overhang...a newspaper...you try to protect your cell phone...etc. But even if you're not expecting it and it seems a pain at first, you give in. Let the mighty truths of God come crashing to earth, splashing all around you. The big ideas of His grace falling all around, soaking you from stem to stern. You know that it will wash off your make-up and ruin your hair...but that's quite the point. Instead of hiding from the rain of God, we should run out into it, embracing all the possibilities that it brings for growth and its life-giving power...it will heal the dry cracks in our soul...we focus on little more than the rain itself...washing away the stilted air and filth that has built up in the drought. And the beautiful thing for a crier like me...no one even notices your tears in the rain! And then, after the rain...abundance!

Isaiah 30:23-26 (The Message)

God will provide rain for the seeds you sow. The grain that grows will be abundant. Your cattle will range far and wide. Oblivious to war and earthquake, the oxen and donkeys you use for hauling and plowing will be fed well near running brooks that flow freely from mountains and hills. Better yet, on the Day God heals his people of the wounds and bruises from the time of punishment, moonlight will flare into sunlight, and sunlight, like a whole week of sunshine at once, will flood the land.

LET IT RAIN!!!!!!!!

You consume me...

...moving through me. Like a burning flame running through my veins...click to listen and see a favorite song of old.

I started this thought in an email to a friend today...and liked it well enough to elaborate...

Oh, to be able to dance upon His clouds of grace without fear of falling! Instead, we trudge in meadows of mud, finding delight in what we can see on the ground...getting bogged down more often than not. We admire some nice flower or a moment of sunshine as a ray kisses our face. Content with a fleeting moment of beauty in an otherwise sloggy hike. Imagine the freedom of dancing on clouds of grace...lighter than air! Which one would you like to describe your spiritual "walk?" Will we rest in his grace and his ability to maneuver us, or will be be content to have small moments of grace and continue our striving with heavy feet? I want to be consumed by His grace, close to His face. Close enough to know when He turns to the right or left. To feel His breath. To know that however He consumes me, it will be for my good. But if He does not consume me, I am destined to the misery of the in-between.

Report on the report and thoughts on community

Well, I must say everyone pulled through with the Annual Report...albeit at the last minute. But, at the last minute is far better than AFTER the last minute. :) Go team!! I think we were finally hitting our stride as a group, despite the fact that all have very different styles. It was good to be stretched to design in a way that's different from your natural inclinations. It was good to have to come to a middle ground, so to speak, and blend our ideas. It was really entertaining to watch as three very opinionated people and two "just tell me what you want" people tried to decide on themes, colors, concepts, etc. I was desperate to sit back and let it roll. But you can only fight your nature so much.
It's interesting to watch "community" dynamics. Wherever that community may happen--in a class, at a job, on a committee, or at church. It is in all of our natures to compare and compete to some degree. You may never say it, but often you think "My idea was better than his..." or "So-and-so isn't working as hard on this as I am..." What I have to remind myself: we are all learning. We all have some valuable ideas. We all have contributions. Even the people that I may think are in left field...we should all be open to listening and learning from those whom we think have nothing to teach. Competition among a community is a killer. It kills ideas and creativity. It creates drama. It is the face of selfish ambition. Instead, we should find a place of encouragement and inspiration...a healthy competition to do one's personal best while making the rest of the group look good at the same time. Selfless ambition. Lofty goal. Hard to attain. Let's try, shall we?

What did I do to deserve group projects?

...just a whine about another group project...this time, an Annual Report. If I don't die of boredom first, I might explode from the sheer torturous plight of working with people who don't even check their email and don't do their work.

Whine over. I will not detail the agony on the blog. I might show you some of the design work though. :)


Next topic: Tuesday Furniture Funny

We are searching high and low for a petite accent chair for a particular place in the living room. Mostly because it's a smallish room, and all of our furniture is B-I-G. We have a few finalists, but no clear winners yet. So, just a funny moment when Jerod entered a local furniture store yesterday (without me).

"Hi, may I help you?" furniture store lady asked.
"Yes, I'm looking for a small chair." Jerod replied.
Craning her neck to see the full 6'11" frame, she replied, astonished..."YOU'RE looking for a SMALL chair????"

Good times.

Group Project, Eye Twitch, other Fun

I know I should quit writing about this group project at some point...but my eye is still twitching from the sheer agony of it all! We submitted it last night. I must say, one of the guys really pulled out some good stuff at the last minute. I was mucho impressed. I was caught in an epic struggle to lead this group. They appointed me leader; I did not volunteer. Probably because they knew I was the type of person to get an eye twitch if things weren't going well! One lady in the group just refused to be led. She did her own thing without regard to the group...which is not so good when the assignment is come up with an ad campaign. All parts need to look very similar to one another. Wild cards are not in play, kids!!

I'll share the idea with you, as I was proud of what we ended up with. The premise was a product of the entire group, with about 80% of the art direction at my discretion--fonts, colors, illustrations, etc. Our basic idea was to create an environmental awareness campaign for the fictional "National Environmental Council" with a series of ads. We based it on the "This Little Piggy" nursery rhyme and showed our pig poster boy doing all kinds of horrible environmentally-unsound things. The slogan was then, "Don't be a pig."

Here is an ad and a book cover that I created, and a billboard idea from another team member. The book would be used in public schools and/or sold at retail stores. We also created reuseable shopping bags, recycle bins, and apparel whose proceeds would help the NEC:

Whew! Glad that's over!

Otis is ALIVE!

I blogged too soon, dear friends. The fish named Otis is back! He must have gotten caught in something in the pond and wiggled free, as he showed up for breakfast on Monday morning. Jerod has been tending to him in a "hospital" tank...I know...it's a fish. But he seems happy and healthy. It's weird how one can become so attached to a little living creature like a fish.

Group project presentation is tonight. I am not hopeful. My eye is twitching, and I've been having stress dreams about having to re-design everyone's work. Control-freak? Me? My teacher called me "Type-A" on Tuesday. TYPE A? Really? I know I'm a driven, task-oriented person, but I don't think I'm particularly impatient or a stress junkie. I have really worked on being more in the moment with PEOPLE rather than focusing all of my attention on tasks to do. I am a perfectionist about stuff I produce...so...compared to people in the class who don't BEGIN working on their designs until the day they are due...I guess I would come across as Type A. However, I did just take a test online: "Are you a Type A?" and tested in the middle closer to Type B (laid back, etc.). Is there anything wrong with wanting things to be right and well-executed? As long as people aren't being well-executed, I suppose...

Randoms

1. Group project status: of course, I'm the only one who showed up with what I was supposed to on Thursday. So, we went with my idea since it was the ONLY IDEA THAT CAME TO CLASS! Still, our overall theme is good. I'm interested to see what everyone else contributes. I want to believe in group projects, I do!

2. I am convinced that Nacho Cheese Doritos have an addictive agent in the cheesy powder. Studies should be done. I will volunteer for the study.

3. We had a fish go missing from our wee pond despite the faux heron that is supposed to ward off evil fishing-birds. His name was Otis, and he was an Oranda. R.I.P. Otis. We loved you.









4. I love my small group at church. Fairly random comment, but we are learning so much from each other and I enjoy their company. Yay! Small group!

5. I have to go now and make some sandwiches for my ice cream social tonight. :) I scream, you scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!!!

Declaration of In(ter)dependence and Group Projects

I began a blog last week with the lofty goal of re-writing the Declaration of Independence as a declaration of INTERdependence within the kingdom of God. Being the Fourth of July week, I thought it appropriate. But I didn't get very far...

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to seek out spiritual bonds that are greater than those of any government and to assume among the powers of heaven the station which requires those of the Kingdom of God to mutually submit to one another. The Laws of God and the Laws of the Earth are distinctly separate entities, which those of the Faith should recognize, despite causes that would compel us to retreat and separate from one another; we should run toward one another with the intent to declare the sins and missteps that cause separation from God.


We hold these truths to be self-evident through careful reading of the Scriptures. That all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are the right to take up a cross and deny their lives, liberty within the Law of God, and the pursuit of a Higher calling despite the unhappiness it can bring in the temporary life. To secure these rights, we might look to government, but it is a deeply flawed system that works on laws contrary to those of the Kingdom of God. We shall be both citizens of the state and of the Kingdom, working toward the greater good for both and for our fellow men.

That's all I wrote.
I revive it because this week I went to class, and my teacher said two words that make my blood run cold. "GROUP PROJECT." I'm sorry, what? Do you mean that I have to work with these people? People who don't turn things in on time and use ugly fonts? Really?
That has ALWAYS been my reaction to group projects. Prideful? Yes. Snotty? Yes. Justifiable? Maybe. Or maybe not. The Lord has been desperate to get me to understand interdependence. He keeps bringing me back around to it. There is no escaping the community aspect of a Christian walk. To summarize in short order...you can't be a Christian unless you have people around you to show you how to walk and to whom you practice extending the grace of God. It's all a group project. (excuse me as I break out into hives)

So, I'm waving the flag of interdependence. Even in my class project. I've opened myself up to the process. I will listen, extend grace, pray for inspiration and compassion, lay down my pride and selfish ambition. Lay down my right to perfection. Overlook imperfections in others. Give up my "right" to be offended. Watch out for my fellow students, both in the word and in the class. Give guidance when needed. Accept guidance when I need it. And on and on.

Surprisingly, I shut my mouth in class. Our group came up with a darn fine idea for an ad campaign. I'm going to let it play out with these ideas in mind, and see what beauty can come from allowing the Lord to be Lord in my heart and my hands and my mouth. I don't like it. But I think it works.

Oh My Shins!

The sun is setting over the palm trees, and we are listening to the sounds of the Starship Enterprise fighting off a Borg attack in the hotel room. Possible correction: Jerod is engaged in the Borg attack, while I am happily keeping company with the laptop.

Sometimes travel-logs can be tedious, the online version of looking at someone's vacation slides. But then, you are not trapped in my dark living room looking at pictures of me in front of every cool thing I experienced and you did not...so get your click on if you find me uninteresting. :)

Several things I've learned during my stay in Orlando. I love ordered lists, even when there is no need for ordering, so I shall order.

Number One: If I were dropped on a tropical island by an airplane crash (hmmm...might I be thinking of my favorite show?)...the first thing I would think about, and probably continue to think about for days on end would be the lack of air-conditioning. Next to antibiotics, I believe air-conditioning to be the greatest invention of the 20th century. Go Universal for having almost all of your lines in the glorious coolant-relieved air.
Number Two: I must have every square inch of exposed skin slathered in copious amounts of sunscreen before venturing outdoors. I am the same color as a light bulb. I did a good job on this trip. I have, in the past, forgotten sunscreen on various individual parts of my body. You'd be surprised what five hours on the beach will do to the tender skin behind your knees when they are fried beyond recognition. Simple walking becomes difficult. I succeeded in my slathering! Hurrah!
Number Three: People will wear anything, everything, and not enough when they are on vacation. I saw a pregnant woman (like 8 mos. preggie) in a bikini in the park. Um, lady...every ride advises you NOT to ride...why are you here? And why are you wearing a bikini when you're not swimming? Flip flops were also in abundance. Podiatrists are going to have a field day in about ten years. Yes, I am getting old. And I have been to the podiatrist. He fixed up my Fred-Flintstone-flat-feet. Podiatry would be a good field to get into based on what I saw people walking around in. Flat, dollar store flip flops. That's my version of hell.
Number Four: English people are taking over Orlando. Rightfully so, since the dollar is meager compared to the mighty pound. They feel like they're paying halvsies for everything. I'm so silly. I still like to stand near them in line and hear them talk. Humidity was a common theme of discussion.
Number Five: Flat irons for the hair are irrelevant here. I found waves I didn't know I could grow.
Number Six: After hours of walking around in the heat and waiting in lines, the bed sucked me under as if in coma state for several hours of bona fide naptastic awesome rest. There was no fighting the coma. You had to surrender.
Number Seven: We are intrigued by the climate here. As avid plant-lovers, we toured a botanical garden (great respite from the overload of the noisy parks). What we found there were plants that could eat humans if they so chose. (Hello, THE HAPPENING?) The winters must be so mild and the climate semi-tropical...so things grow to the size of...well, me! There was a peace lily (for my non-plant people...those are the ubiquitous green houseplants that shoot up a white lily-like flower) that was taller than I am!! In the ground. Cactuses and houseplants, all growing to about 10x the size we normally see. Bizarre and scary.
(annoying Star Trek music in the background...Has Jean-Luc Picard been assimilated by the Borg? What to do?)
Number Eight: I love roller coasters. There's no way around it. Poor Tall One cannot ride them due to equilibrium issues and impending motion sickness. I want to have a roller coaster in my backyard. How fabulous. I would ride it every day before my coffee.
I have no more numbers. The post title just comes from the recurring theme of our conversation every time we stood up or walked for the first four days. OH MY SHINS! Concrete can be mean and play dirty.
Vacation is fabulous. We did not get to Sea World this time, but have had a BLAST regardless. I will meet Shamu one day!! Hurrah. And tomorrow, back to the real world...class tomorrow night and then back to work. Ahhhh...vacay forever.

Sunny Orlando...I'm coming!

I'm leaving...on a jet plane...

Tomorrow...Tomorrow...I love ya...tomorrow...You're only a daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay aaaaaaaa-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!



It's generally good to start off a post with song, isn't it? Just because you can't hear it, doesn't mean I'm not singing loud enough.



Off to sunny and hot Orlando tomorrow for some R & R (I plan to nap liberally and read liberally). What a blessing to be able to get away, enjoy some entertainment, soak up precious time with the Tall One, and eat vacation foods.



I'll be back armed with photos, a sunburned scalp (seriously...as if anything could be whiter than my face, I think my scalp is glow-in-the-dark white), and sore feet. Perhaps there will be adventures to share. In the midst of days when I rush around to finish projects for school or work, I am thankful to have some days when my decisions center around riding a ride, eating a burger or chicken?, and how long can I afford to nap in the middle of the day. Luxurious frivolities. I really hope to see Shamu and get his autograph. You have no idea what a hero he is to me.

Ain't Happening

SPOILER ALERT. If you intend to see "The Happening" by M. Night Shymalan and do not want any spoilers...LEAVE NOW. You have been warned.

This is the single-worst movie I've ever seen. Any movie that makes you laugh at people committing suicide in mass should earn that title. We did, however, come up with some theories as to why it is soooooo bad:
1. It's all a joke. Spoof for Friday the 13th. M. Night having some fun at our expense and the expense of the production company, because this one will TANK in ticket sales.
2. M Night is Al Gore's lover. The alternate title for this movie is "An Inconvenient Truth: Revenge of the Fig Leaves"
3. M Night made a comedy without a laugh track just to see what it would do to people.
4. He realized during the filming that he had no actual story, so he added in as many creative suicide scenes as he could fit into the film, just for kicks and good times.
5. M Night just wanted to make a rated R film, so he and his drinking buddies played a game one night..."1000 ways to Snuff out your Life"
6. This movie is M Night's cry for help. Friends are planning an intervention over the weekend.
7. M Night is tired of the pressure to be the next Spielberg, and this film is an homage to his own career suicide. He just wants to be left in peace, people!
8. The crucial scene was cut from our copy of the movie. Don't go to the Pineville theatre. They have the wrong copy!
9. We should have been given a secret serum to drink that would have made this movie make some sense. We declined to drink the thick flourescent drink they were handing out at the door. Our bad.
10. M Night's houseplants have been ganging up on him in the middle of the night...and by houseplants, I mean WEED. The weed is talking to the M Night, y'all.

Worst. Movie. Ever.
The lines were delivered with all the panache of a beige throw pillow. None of the dialogue was believeable...I mean, not even REMOTELY. Most of our packed theatre was just laughing by the end. The only scary part was at the home of Mrs. Jones (dang, another bad "Jones" movie this month...what up Joneses?). The doll and the woman were far scarier than the is-it-the-plants? story line and the not-at-all-scary breezes. And, did anyone notice the row of houseplants in the window at the end? I would not be harboring anything with chlorophyll in my home...I am sorely disappointed in this once-Genius who seems to be walking a fine line between amazing and skydiving with no parachute. Splat.

Landsford Canal trip, Memorial Day

Spider Lilies are in bloom! They are wondrous to behold! Go behold them!

A few thoughts...

Sometimes I wait to write a blog until I am bursting with ideas. And sometimes I start out with no real idea at all. Lucky for you...here I am without an idea. But I don't like to neglect the blog, as it's like a friend to me now.
We made our annual trek to see the Spider Lilies in the Catawba River. (see photos) I'm not sure why we have to go see them every year. It's some reassurance that man has not wiped yet another species off the planet. These lilies only grow in Alabama, Georgia, and South Carolina because their habitats have been decimated everywhere else. And we like to hike...and Jerod REALLY likes to see snakes in the wild. Last year, on our Memorial Day trek, we spotted no less than seven snakes, and a new type that Jerod did not know about. His eyes lit up like it was Christmas at the curious orange-bellied slithering thing. I will never understand this part of him. The little boy with a pocket-full of frogs lives on. No snakes this year, save one curled up far away in a tree. I tend to beep when I see a snake in the wild. Yes, I am at a complete loss for words, and just stand still pointing and beeping. Or once, I ran up the hill so fast, Jerod just saw my dust cloud go by. I have no use for the snake family.
Jerod has just three days left of school (pause for wild cheering from the stands)!!! I love it when he's home for summer. The dishes are magically done when I come home, the yard is all spruced up, and I get daily reports on what all he has accomplished. He accomplishes things I did not know needing doing such as trimming the middle branches of the maple tree and rigging up a solar light for the pond. He is his own "honey-do" list. No complaints here. If I could get a job that paid crazy amounts of money, I would let him stay home all day and whack away at a list.
Near the top of my summer list:
Do something about my junk room, I mean office. I am ashamed at my own ability to close a door and pretend that the pile of junk doesn't exist. I think the magazines have babies in there when we're not looking. Also on the summer list would be reading "Song of Solomon" by Toni Morrison. But I'll have to find it in the junk room first. "I know you're in there!!" I tell it sometimes, "I'm going to read you if I ever find you." I'm truly afraid that my small dog will go in and never come back out.
LOST is finally over for the year. I will miss my Lost friends (you know, the ones who live in the TV!). I cried at parts of the show as I squeezed the skin off Jerod's knobby knee. He didn't seem to mind. I don't understand how I'm going to make it until January for new episodes.
At least I'll have "Pushing Daisies..." It's renewed for Fall, and one of my favorite new shows. Quirky, mirthful, and slightly twisted...what more does one need in her entertainment? Give it look-see in September. Be a fan.
I am a fan of being well-rested. I think I'll put my tired bones to bed now that I've said everything on my mind worth publishing ("THIS is what was worth publishing??" you ask). Yes, it's all I have. Toodle-lee-do.

Be Quiet.

We are formally finished with our church covenant. I mentioned it back in January...(I'll pause while you search the archives...)
Anywho...part of our covenant time was to include fasting one day a week for a 24-hour period. I take medication every day for blood sugar control, so the idea of fasting food wasn't working for me--in the sense that if I let my blood sugar drop, I become very nauseated, sweaty, cold--to the point that I can barely eat if I try to. I tried fasting food a few years ago, and by about 4 pm, I truly thought someone was going to have to take me to the hospital. I say all of that to say...I wanted to participate. I did not want to just dismiss the notion all together! The point was to do a physical/food fast. What to do?
I deemed it ok to do a noise/media fast instead. It worked toward the same end of making space and time for God. It shut out what I often use as a replacement for God-time. Every Sunday night the TV/stereo would go off at 7 pm. Most of these evenings I was able to spend a chunk of time reading, writing, listening, talking, etc. On Monday, even though the work day included some natural noise, there was no internet radio or itunes going in the background...
I started looking back at my journal entries from the past few months (I write SOME things you don't get to see!), I realized that the Lord had spoken very clearly...when I allowed Him to. Know what He said?
Be Still.
Profound, huh?
That was the crux of it. Each entry seemed to have that idea as a theme in some way. Yes, I know He has already said that in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." Of all the verses in the Bible, I do have that one hanging on a wall in my house.
But what does it mean to "be still?"
The Lord has been desperately trying to teach me how to REST...in HIM. The kind of rest that has nothing to do with lying on a beach all day reading a book, and "getting away from it all." But active resting that comes from submitting my plans to Him, trusting Him to take care of me and mine, and allowing Him to oversee my spiritual progress. The kind of rest that comes from laying down my need to plan every little thing, to run around trying to take care of everything, and trying to be a good Christian by my own sheer will. He promises to GIVE US REST (note He does not offer up a cruise to the Bahamas--the idea seems to be that He will teach us how to live lives of rest).
I was so struck by how THE MESSAGE put this verse from Matthew 11:28-30:
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

My resting not only helps me RECOGNIZE that He's God, it allows me to ACKNOWLEDGE that He is God. Many of us believe that God exists, but so many of us try to do His job by steering our own lives and activities. We essentially strip Him of His omnipotence when we fill our days with mindless activity and banter that leaves no room for Him to BE (fill in the blank) for us. We have so much to say that we squeeze Him out of our conversations. We have so many things on the to do list that we shut Him out of even our errands. We have to watch this or that, and are content to let the TV tell us what to think or do or what to buy or what is cool.
If I had any of this down pat, I wouldn't be writing such a painfully long blog entry about it. He has been working on me for five months, and I still struggle to let Him BE.

Goodbye, Dottie Rambo

Just last night, I was reminiscing about my childhood plays and musicals to Jerod. I grew up on small stages, singing and trying to act...one of my favorite of these church musicals was "Down by the Creek Bank."
Sadly, I read online this morning that the composer of this musical and 2500 other gospel songs that comprise the soundtrack of my childhood passed away yesterday. Dottie Rambo was 74. Her myspace page had not been updated as of this morning, but here is a link.

http://www.myspace.com/dottierambo

She wrote the Sandi Patty favorite "We Shall Behold Him." And the song from "The Preacher's Wife," "I Go to the Rock." I was privileged to see her live on several occasions as a child.
Certainly, she was not well-known outside of our own Pentecostal/music circles, but she was a prolific writer who had in recent years overcome much personal tragedy with her marriage and her health. I have sung many of her songs...

Below is the news story and some details about her life.

The Nitty Gritty Gospel

As if I could boil it down to bullet points...but here's a messy list of things rolling around in my head...Jesus was not joking when He laid out his church plan.

What I have learned in the last few weeks or have had reiterated to my soul:

1. My life is not my own. I signed up for the Jesus Journey, and I meant it. He has my passport, He's my travel agent, and He guides my steps.
2. My life belongs to others in my local church. My actions (or lack thereof) affect them. They have the right and responsibility to call me out when I take control of my Jesus Journey. (see Matt. 18)
3. I have to practice and accept unlimited forgiveness TO others and FROM God. I cannot hold on to anything like bitterness that will weigh me down as I travel. I have to trust my community to help me, to forgive me, and to pray for me. I have to forgive myself as I allow Jesus to forgive me, too.
4. I don't like all of this community stuff. It's so much easier to be fake, allow people to think I have it all together, and never ask for help. It's easier to breeze through each day without thinking of anyone but myself and "mine." It's easier to lift up my own needs.
5. I have to learn to embrace community. It is a discipline just like praying, reading, and worshipping. It will not come naturally to this self-reliant person. It runs contrary to the independent nationalism that has been bred in me. It runs against the "put on a smiling face" Christianity that I let myself get caught up in. "Never let them see you sweat." "Never let them see you fall." "Never let your guard down." Fight this propensity at all costs!!!!
6. "We cannot be saved apart from the church." I think that being saved is a daily process by which we are formed into Jesus' image. It unfolds like a great novel, with twists and turns and surprises and lulls and OTHER CHARACTERS who serve as protagonists and sometimes antagonists...but the Author weaves it all together magically. Salvation is not a moment in time. Salvation spreads out over our lives until we allow it to permeate our every action.
7. We learn about God's character by seeing it and practicing it. We learn about the depth of God's forgiveness when we realize our own need for forgiveness and then practice extending that grace. We learn about compassion when we receive it from another's hand. We can only learn to really love by loving and being loved...by PEOPLE. Our measly extensions of God's character are his character on display. None of this can really happen in isolation.
8. God can really work on us when we give up selfish ambition. When our way is not the only way...when our path is at His discretion. When we allow our dreams to conform to a God-shaped destiny. When we pray, "Not my will, but thy will be done," just as Jesus did when facing his darkest moment.
9. Jesus knows how deep and twisted we are, and longs for us to be free from prisons we've built for ourselves. Forgiveness is liberating. Extending undeserved mercy is empowering. Seeking the "kingdom" will bring blessings that we don't even know how to ask for. We turned "What would Jesus do?" into a bracelet and a fad...but the question remains...and the answer is usually..."the opposite of my first inclination!"
10. The Gospel has nothing to do with ceasing to sin or abating sinful practices. (shock and awe...I hear it rustling through your mind!) It has nothing to do with a scorecard that you keep in your pocket to compare yourselves to others as more or less sinful than they are. It is a powerful, life-changing walk that moves you to meditate and follow the Words of Christ and to imitate the character of God. In doing so, you find yourself less and less prone to OOPS! and more prone toward grace and compassion and...community.
Blast it!!! Community may be the hardest discipline of all. It leaves no room for pretense, no allowance for acting, but it's at the heart of a Gospel. "Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to him stumble." 1 John 2:10
He is "OUR Father, who art in Heaven..." Not "MY Father..." Dang. I think it's easier to think of Him as all MINE in my little corner of my little world.

Goodbye April, Hello MAY

...But more on the title later...
Life is a lot like whitewater rafting. Indulge me a moment, even if you've never been. I have been numerous times. Most of the rafting adventures I've taken have been wholly pleasant...sky overhead, open water before, trees, birds, some rapids to excite and break up the monotony. Pure relaxation with a wee bit of adrenaline. THE BEST. But this month in life has been a lot like a particularly scary trip I took a few years back on the New River in West Virginia.
I knew at the beginning of the trip that it was not going to turn out well. Everyone in my raft was a beginner...no biggie? Well, that included the guide. (yikes!) It was maybe one of her first few trips as a guide, so she was sandwiched between two more experienced guides. I had already been dumped into a small whirling eddy and promptly snatched up by my dear friend Reggie. My faith in "Katie" the guide was diminishing with each rapid. I had been on rivers--many of the largest in the Southeast--enough to know some things about when to paddle hard right and what to avoid. It seemed she kept putting us in precarious situations. The clincher came on the rapid known as "Miller's Folly." It is the longest rapid on that stretch of the New River. It is about a 3 or 4 on the rapid scale (don't know the exact name for that). Katie was steering us to the right. The boat ahead and the boat behind were going left. I asked my last fateful question of the day, "Katie, why are the other boats going left and we're not???" She replied that the right pass was easier. Enter sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. We found ourselves pinned against a 12 foot boulder on my side (the right-hand side) of the raft (I was in the very front of a seven man raft). The water was flowing underneath us pretty swiftly, and we really needed to put some weight down on the left and catch the current to move us on. Just as everyone realized we were stuck, Katie yelled for everyone to LEAN RIGHT!!!!! Lean right? I just barely had time to think about what that meant before I found myself kissing the boulder, under the raft and in the water. OH...gurgle...slurp...gurgle...MY...gasp...gurgle...GOD! gasp. Every time I could catch air I looked around for the rescue rope...someone on a rock to help...I looked back at Greg, whose look of panic I will never forget as he bobbed down the river. "Keep your toes up...down river..." I kept telling myself. And then I remembered the phrase that saved my life I really think. "Whenever you see the sky, take a deep breath," Amos the experienced guide had told us on the bus. I remembered it, and DID it. I was in a washing machine of river water, unable to keep my body in any position, trying desperately to keep my toes up...where were my toes? I was completely disoriented...then I saw a huge rock in front of me...I was headed straight for it. Would I bounce off? Would I get lodged somehow and pulled under? I had so many clear thoughts, including asking Jesus to let me die instead of live maimed in some way. I really am not being dramatic for the blog's sake. I really did experience all these things, and had some pretty good late-night panic attacks about it for months afterward. I still get a little sweaty when I see lots of moving water (Niagara Falls was some decent therapy).
No one threw me a rope, but I "swam" through the quarter-mile rapids and made it to the first raft, who pulled me in, choking and spitting and shaking. My boss, Daryl, looked like he was about to cry because his guide wouldn't let him jump in the water to help us. It was too dangerous. They were just going to have to watch us struggle until we came through to safer waters, and pray that we did make it.
(man, that was long story to make a point, wasn't it?)
April has been a lot like that trip. I feel like I've been dumped in the river. I have a Life Vest (capitalization intentional), but not much else but rough waters and lots of gasping when I see the sky and go back under the murky water for some more tumbling. My grandmother's passing, about 20 work events in 30 days, two classes in which everything came due at once, birthdays, births, small-group leading (or lack thereof), prayers, confusion, following, reading, and culminating with a lovely car break-in on the 29th... I have literally felt like I have been rafting without a raft.
Stress and the continual piling on can really take you on a journey. It will make you pray more or hide from everything. Or cry. I have cried remarkably little this month...odd for me, indeed. But God has shown Himself. "I'm your Life Vest, Shelley!" I don't know why we get dumped in the river sometimes, maybe so we'll learn to hang on to the life vest and keep our toes up. We learn the value of our lives, and the lives of those on the sidelines praying and watching us bob in the water. But we have to do some swimming and praying ourselves. I had to DECIDE that God was in control, even though it didn't feel that way. I had to DECLARE that He is working everything out for my good. I had to KNOW that He is God. It has been hard to be still this month...I have been eating in my car, making phone calls between work and dinner and class...trying to keep ties with people who are dear because their lives aren't necessarily stopping because mine has been turned upside down. Whew. I don't know if it's all over, but here's to hoping. I know that God is a good and experienced guide and that all of this contributes to my makeover in His image. Lord, let me see some sky...I need to breathe You in.

Granny

Dear Granny,

What a life you led. The first in your family to get saved and then you up and brought your parents to church, all before you were even a teenager. And then, to strike out for another city...traveling from East Chicago to Minneapolis for Bible College in the 1930's! How adventurous, and maybe a little scary it must have been. What I know of the intervening years is a patchwork of mom's memories and bits of stories I remember. Married to the handsome boy with the wavy jet black hair you met at bible college. Five children, whom I'm sure kept you busy. Especially if they were anything then like they are now! A lot of bumps in the road...long hours of taking the bus to work, taking care of your family, and loving a husband who didn't understand your worth.

I loved to eat your food, to sit around your freshly-decorated kitchen (it was always changing with the latest fashions), to hear your stories about school and what-not. To see your eyes light up at the prospect of chocolate, to see you talk about your grandkids... Your traveling adventures always meant a little doll from an exotic land or a bracelet and stories of places that I would hope to see someday too. Thank you for giving my mom a sense of faith and faithfulness, despite the curve balls life threw you. Your paranoia of others made me chuckle sometimes, but also was a light on your soul of the pain you had endured that made you fearful.

But you knew God, what am I saying...YOU KNOW GOD! And there you are, in His presence today...dancing before him with fresh lungs, sturdy legs, and a light-heartedness that you were not afforded down here. So we said goodbye as you crossed over Jordan...I tried my darndest to "sing you out..." but it was hard with the eyes of my family staring at me, the stillness of the room, and my meager voice breaking through the quiet. I hope you heard me trying to muster some feeling of it being well with my soul. It is well with my soul, because I know you can catch your breath, and use it to praise Jesus. I'm a little late in my remembering you with words, but I have thought of you each day since the 4th. Here's to a life well-lived, Dorothy Mae Whitsell Stevens. Rest in eternal peace. 9/25/20 - 4/4/08

LOST IS BACK

Tonight. 10 pm Eastern. ABC. Couldn't be more excited.

Random ad

Sometimes I see things that make me just scratch my head and wonder, "What the heck?" Here is one of those things. Pizza hut sent me an email advertising their "restaurant quality" pasta. Now, Pizza Hut IS a restaurant, so why wouldn't it be "restaurant quality?" That just seems redundantly redundant, doesn't it? I hope that whatever they sell would be "restaurant quality." (and just for kicks, is that quality as opposed to the really crappy food that I can make for myself at home?)

Am I missing something?

Idol Worship

So, I'm a day late and a dollar short as the saying goes. I'm usually an avid watcher of everything "American Idol," but after a long family-funeral weekend and trying to catch up on work and school, I didn't have the energy to catch the three hour plus "Idol Gives Back" marathon last week. I did hear about the finale of "Shout to the Lord," so I checked it out. I gotta say...wow. This is one of those worship ballads that never fails to move me. I don't care what those contestants believe, they were using a God-given gift to worship the Lord. Their hearts and minds may not be there yet, but I feel the Lord was glorified through this performance. Truth is truth and it is all God's truth.
Here's the video:

Wearing busyness like a badge

I was a brownie. That's a really young girl scout for those who are not in the know. I had the whole suit. At the time, they had a shirt with a cross-over tie thingie, sock tassles, and the whole gig. But my favorite part of the outfit was the sash that held the badges! A proud display that you could wear across your chest so everyone could see what skills you know and what you've earned. Well, when you put it that way...of course, as a young 7-year-old I was ready to earn every one they offered. It really didn't matter what I learned from it. The most important thing was to earn the badge and have Mom sew it on the sash!!! There was a lovely trio of badges that fit together to make a half-circle. You received one for each year in the troup. I can honestly remember the internal drive in grades 1-3 of needing to earn more badges than anyone else in my troup. My mom was definitely not pushing me...I would pore through my manual to see what I could accomplish to earn badges. And there were pins! JEWELRY! It really was the excitement of my young world to earn such things. I did virtually the same thing in children's church. We could memorize Scriptures and creeds to earn points to spend in a "store." I rocked the memorization so I could rack up on erasers, pencils, stickers, and buttons.

I forget how much I like to wear "busyness" like a badge. Something I've always done...played the martyr to my too-full schedule, practically doing an over-dramatic Victorian fainting spell when anyone asks me how things are going. What is up with that? Why do I thrive on zoom-zoom-zoom and being overworked? I think that as a producer personality, I can point to something tangible to prove my worth. Somehow, if I am making lots of commotion and generating something--schoolwork, events, etc.--then I am being a valuable citizen (in my own mind). It makes me look better to you out there.

I am busy right now. But I will not, cannot, keep giving in to the myth that busier is better. It is not. My soul isn't at rest when I have filled my plate beyond capacity. I will do whatever I can to get through these next few weeks without melting down. I will not try to wear it as a badge, because it's not a badge that the Kingdom of Heaven gives out...just the kingdom of the world. I am working on this thing of not comparing myself to others to prove my worth, but receiving my worth from the Lord. The Lord likes me still and silent and poised to hear Him. I haven't yet earned my "Be still and know" badge. I think those get handed out in nuggets of wisdom, in acts of compassion, and in moments of sincerity that come from the being still and the knowing. Ah, but earning badges seems so much easier to me.

Red Rocks Amphitheatre--AMAZING.

Denver Pics--in and around Denver